[962] in Humor
HUMOR: WEIRDNUZ.385 (News of the Weird, June 23, 1995)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Jul 10 16:50:03 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 15:12:48 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 18:51:58 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.385 (News of the Weird, June 23, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* On May 31, a small plane buzzed the U. S. nuclear weapons plant at Oak
Ridge, Tenn., and dropped more than 100 sheets of pornographic photos.
Oak Ridge police suspected that the culprit was the former boyfriend of
a female plant employee, who had earlier accused the man of stalking her.
And two weeks earlier, pilot Robert B. Moore, 38, was convicted in
Independence, Kan., of littering during an airborne frolic, when he tried
to demonstrate his prowess by selecting a target and bombarding it with
toilet paper. [The Tennessean-AP, 6-2-95; Washington Post, 5-20-95]
THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT
* The former principal of PS 100 in Brooklyn, Stuart Posner, was accused
in February of stealing from the school candy store, establishing
businesses on school property, and charging students admission to watch
television during class time. [New York Daily News, 3-1-95]
* Among cities in which "mile high club" entrepreneurs were reported
operating recently were Hayward, Calif., Santa Monica, Calif., Meriden,
Conn., and Cincinnati. For fees ranging from $199 to $279, a pilot will
fly a couple around for an hour so that they can have sexual intercourse
while airborne. [San Francisco Chronicle, 2-13-95; Cincinnati Enquirer,
11-14-94; Chicago Tribune, 5-5-94]
* Among new products recently developed or on the market: Toe floss
(invented by Ronald M. Hannon), a three-foot-long rope that attaches to
the floor of the shower, is held taut, and permits the user to clean
between his toes; a tiered cocktail-waitress "dress" that holds 250
canapes, from designer Bruno Ferrer; a 30"-high, porcelain-headed doll of
Indiana University basketball coach Bob Knight, wearing traditional red
sweater and Converse sneakers, from local dollmaker Tom Alberts, for $545;
and a line of toilet-seat lids in the shape of guitars (electric and
acoustic), starting at $49, from Marvin Maxwell of Louisville, Ky. [New
York Times, 5-29-95] [Japan Times-Reuter, 2-19-95] [Harper's, March 1995]
[[Details, Jan95]]
* In March one Japanese company introduced "odor-eater" underwear
containing a substance that stops the growth of certain bacteria, and in
April another Japanese company introduced pre-odorized underwear --
containing a synthetic pheromone found in underarm sweat, masked by a musk
fragrance. The manufacturer suggests, but does not guarantee, that the
scent attracts women. [Victoria (Tex.) Advocate-AP, 3-29-95; Japan
Times-AP, 4-15-95]
* In May, the New York Times ran a routine classified ad placed by
Russian-born Victor Rylkov, announcing that he had for sale a genuine
Russian space shuttle, the Buran. According to a follow-up story in the
New York Post, Rylkov said he and his partner, the Molniya aerospace
company, actually had two and were asking $5-$10 million each. Said
Rylkov, "A lot of things are for sale in today's Russia if you've got the
right people working for you." [New York Post, 6-1-95]
* A firm called UltraTech Products of Houston, Tex., is offering the TooT
TrappeR Chair Cushion, a foam cushion with a "superactivated carbon
filter," which supposedly absorbs passed gas before it can escape ($29.95
plus shipping). [Chicago Tribune, 9-5-94]
* Among the crime-protection products now available by mail are
Dyewitness, a canister of green foam that will make an assailant (or
anyone else) foam up to look like a Chia Pet, and Rapel, a foul-smelling
liquid that victims spray on themselves so as to be unbearable. [The
Oregonian, 2-28-95]
PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS
* A Chicago Sun-Times wire service report in April identified a Chinese
boy, Zhang Zhuo, 12, as having just set a record by reciting from memory
the value of pi (the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter)
to 4,000 decimal places -- a feat which took him 25 minutes. However,
two months earlier, a Seattle Times wire service story had identified a
Japanese man, Hiroyuki Goto, 21, as having captured the world record --
to over 42,000 decimal places -- a feat which took him over nine hours.
[Chicago Sun-Times, 4-24-95; Seattle Times, 2-26-95]
* The winner of National Enquirer's contest for the "Most Boring Husband
in America," named in May, was Michael Colangelo, whose wife claimed that
he cannot seem to pass an ant mound without taking a picture of it. Said
she, "We hardly have any family photos, but we have an album of fire
ants." Said Michael, "It's amazing how [ants] are so persistent." [St.
Petersburg Times, 5-27-95]
* In February, the Consumer Product Safety Commission ended five years of
deliberation on what to do about five-gallon buckets, which it deemed
dangers to toddlers who might fall into them and drown. In May 1994, the
agency tentatively had decided to order manufacturers to redesign the
buckets. However, it has now decided merely to require warnings on the
pails. [Rock Island Argus-Chicago Tribune, 2-12-95]
* In October, Gary Taylor filed a formal Charge of Discrimination against
the City of Austin, Texas, for having fired him, allegedly because he had
filed a complaint against the city's Electric Utility Department over what
he called the practice of "painting." According to Taylor, painting is
a departmental "abusive sexual hazing ritual" in which workers gang up on
another employee in honor of his birthday or other special occasion, pull
his pants down, and spit on his genitals. [Plaintiff's complaint in
Taylor v. City of Austin, No. 92-10773, October 11, 1994]
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINAL
* Amy Brasher, 45, was arrested in San Antonio, Tex., in January after a
mechanic notified police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed
alongside the engine of her car, which she had turned over to the mechanic
for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said she did not
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
[San Antonio Express-News, 1-19-95]
CORRECTION
In "News of the Weird" released to newspapers April 16, 1995, it was
reported that astronaut Alan Shepard, at an event exclusively to sign
copies of his new book, refused to autograph a photo of his 1961 Mercury
capsule landing, requested by a man who helped pull him up that day from
the Atlantic Ocean. While the man, John Williams, may have played some
role in the rescue, he was not one of the two men who pulled Shepard up.
I apologize for the error. -- Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use
may be made of the material or the name News of the Weird.
