[926] in Humor
HUMOR: Church Bulletins
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Jun 13 12:10:09 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 12:04:30 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 1995 22:56:21 -0700
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: Church announcements
From: "Michael Beyries" <mbeyries@smtpgate.Chelmsford.Telebit.COM>
<multiple forwards removed>
______________________________ Forward Header __________________________________
>Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in
>various church bulletins.
>1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
>2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
>3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
> community.
>4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery downstairs.
>5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
> David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
>6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
> of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
>7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
> giving milk will please come early.
>8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put
> me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
>9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
> Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the
> Pastor in his study.
>10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
> and lay an egg on the alter.
>11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
> ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will
> join in.
>12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
> of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new
> carpet will come foreward and do so.
>13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.
> They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
>14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> Music will follow.
>15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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