[881] in Humor
HUMOR: News of the Weird 28Apr95
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed May 17 14:41:45 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 17 May 1995 12:04:19 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 17 May 95 11:20:13 EST
From: pug@MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
WEIRDNUZ.377 (News of the Weird, April 28, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* In March, eight Connecticut legislators, and almost three dozen
other guests, became ill, with diarrhea and stomach cramps, from
eating food at a reception sponsored by lobbyists for the
Connecticut Food Association. Meanwhile, in Maine, a legislator
introduced a bill to force lobbyists, while on duty in the State
House, to wear oversized name tags of the same orange color as
deer hunters' vests. [New Haven Register-AP, 3-30-95; USA
Today, 3-24-95]
SCIENCE FAIR
* Twins Timothy Keys and Celeste Keys were born in New
Orleans recently--Timothy on October 15 and Celeste on January
18. Doctors believe this gap among twins is unprecedented. A
week before Celeste was born, a girl named Elisabetta was born
in Rome, Italy, about two years after her mother had died. (The
mother's preserved embryo was implanted in the womb of
Elisabetta's father's sister.) [USA Today, 1-19-95; Athens
Messenger-AP, 1-18-95]
* In a January issue of the journal Nature, London researchers
explained that it is sexual activity that causes female fruit flies
to
die young. Sperm of super-virile fruit flies contains an additive
that causes the female to become disinterested in sex for a while,
in order to give that sperm a head start at fertilization before the
female mates again. The researchers found that that additive is
also associated with early mortality. [Washington Times-AP,
Jan95]
* The New York Times reported in January that some
dermatologists, who are dissatisfied with injecting collagen to
ease forehead wrinkles, have turned to a solution of the toxin that
causes the botulism food poisoning. The treatment, which has
been approved by the Food and Drug Administration, paralyzes
the muscles that pull down the eyebrows, easing the wrinkles.
And in tests at a Palm Springs, Calif., cancer center, doctors
reported in December that a derivative of mistletoe has been their
most effective treatment in cases of advanced lung cancer. [N. Y.
Times, 1-15-95] [Washington Times, 12-27-94]
* A report in a January issue of The New England Journal of
Medicine revealed that the cause of a woman's chronic heel pain
was an accumulation of dog hairs embedded in the skin over the
Achilles tendon, produced by years of her rubbing her Scottish
terrier with her bare heel. [Toronto Star, 2-6-95]
* A medical journal reported in September that a 28-year-old
man had been saved from certain death in his fall from a seven-
story building recently in Toronto--because he landed on a
signpost and was impaled. The steel post pierced his back and
protruded about six inches out of his chest near the armpit. The
man received "minimal injuries," according to doctors, and
suffered no permanent impairments. [The Medical Post, Sept94]
* A study in the November issue of the journal Obstetrics &
Gynecology evaluated females in four body positions to find out
which was the most effective in keeping them from wetting their
pants. Findings: It is much better to cross your legs, and more
effective to stand upright while doing it than to be bent at the
waist. [Harvard Women's Health Watch, Feb95]
LATEST RIGHTS
* In January, the European Commission of Human Rights agreed
to investigate the case of three British men who were convicted of
assault while participating in various consensual sado-masochistic
sex acts. Britain's highest court, the House of Lords, had upheld
a trial court's ruling that consent is not a defense to acts of
bodily
harm. [Globe & Mail-Reuters, 1-19-95]
* In February at a Veterans Administration facility in Jackson,
Miss., Navy veteran Michael Martin received a taxpayer-paid
penile implant to cure his impotence. Martin had been released
from prison ten months earlier after serving four years for
molesting two young girls. Said Martin, "My only wish for the
future is that I be allowed my rights under the Constitution to
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." [Washington Post, 2-
26-95]
* In Denver, Colo., in October, U. S. District Judge Edward
Nottingham ruled that imprisoned kidnaper Robert James Howard
should be allowed to practice certain rituals associated with his
religion of Satanism, and that the prison should perhaps furnish
Howard with a robe and incense. One of the rituals was a
"destruction ritual," during which, according to Howard, he
would visualize the death of an enemy and then convince himself,
he would hope, not to carry out the killing. [Washington Times-
Rocky Mountain News, 10-13-94]
* In September, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that a
Montreal man was entitled to a new trial on the sexual assault
charge brought against him for attacking a 65-year-old woman in
a wheelchair. The Court said the man was entitled to show that
he should be acquitted because he was so intoxicated that he did
not understand what he was doing. A few weeks later, in
Alberta, Canada, a man was acquitted to assaulting his wife,
based explicitly on the Supreme Court's ruling. [B. Springs-AP,
11-15-94]
* In December, New York state Rep. Michael Nozzolio told
reporters that the state spends $700,000 a year on estrogen for its
87 male prison inmates who want to become female. State law
establishes a right to such hormone treatment if the person was
receiving the treatments before he was imprisoned, and some
legislators fear that indigent transsexuals may be committing
crimes in order to receive free treatment. [New York Newsday,
12-13-94]
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS
* In March, a man with a gun burst into a Columbia, Tenn.,
building that formerly housed the First Citizens Bank and rushed
up to what were formerly the tellers' counters. However, the
bank had relocated six months earlier, and the building now
houses an insurance company, two of whose employees were on
duty. Asked the man, "Is this not a bank anymore?" He
managed to escape after robbing the two women. And in New
Jersey, James J. Downes, 29, was arrested for attempted robbery
of the Sussex County State Bank in Vernon Township after he
drew attention to himself by banging on the bank's doors, while
wearing a mask, a few minutes after the bank had closed for the
day on April 1. [Nashville Banner, 3-31-95; Morristown Daily
Record, 4-4-95]
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use
may be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.
