[85] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW 1/20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Feb 16 15:11:51 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 94 15:00:29 EST
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 1994 18:01:25 -0700
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
WEIRDNUZ.311 (News of the Weird, January 20, 1994)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In November, officials of the Commonwealth Games (featuring athletes
from 66 nations competing in Olympic-style events) announced that Ortho
McNeil Co. condoms will be the official condoms of the 1994 Games in
Victoria, British Columbia. [Clue Magazine (Calgary, Alberta), December
1993]
Police Blotter
* In July, New York City police arrested a 16-year-old boy named Eddie
and charged him with sexual assault and attempted murder of his
stepmother, but then released him two days later when an investigation
revealed that it was his twin brother, Jesus, who should have been
charged. The stepmother said she could not tell the boys apart and
therefore was not sure which one assaulted her, and DNA testing of
accused rapists was useless since both Eddie and Jesus have the same
DNA. [New York Times, 7-22-93]
* In March, in response to a citizen complaint, a San Diego police vice
squad officer persuaded the owner of DeRay's, a sexy-costume shop, to
remove some of the stuffing in the crotch of the male swimsuited
mannequins in its window. [[San Diego Reader, 4-1-93]]
* In July, the Cook Islands, which gained independence from New Zealand
in 1965 and is home to 18,000 people, reported its very first armed
robbery. A local man took about $24,000 from a hotel, but was quickly
captured. [Louisville Courier-Journal, 7-25-93]
* In separate incidents in March, police in Washington, D. C., and South
San Francisco, Calif., arrested men they encountered running down the
street and who aroused suspicion because they happened to be carrying
cash registers. One was charged with robbing a convenience store and
the other with burglarizing a bakery. [Washington Post, Mar93; Peninsula
Times, 3-23- 93]
* In November, Andre Guay, 34, was arrested in Dickson, Tenn., and
charged with various traffic violations. Guay has black wavy hair and
was dressed in black, with black chrome-tipped boots, and a black jacket
with the words "Elvis Lives" on it. Guay, who is from Quebec, told
police he was distraught over marital problems and decided to visit
Graceland, but that that made him even more depressed. [Nashville
Tennessean, 12-1-93]
* In November, a white woman in Shawnee, Kan., told police she was
robbed at gunpoint in her home by a black man in his 20s. After rifling
her purse and finding only about $20, he gave back the money,
apologized, offered to shake the woman's hand, and said, "I don't want
you to think all black people are bad." [The Journal Herald of Northwest
Johnson County (Kan.), 11-24-93]
* In July, thieves with a blow torch broke into an unmarked
tractor-trailer parked at an Orlando, Fla., motel and stole bags
containing 400,000 quarters while a guard slept in the truck's cab.
Authorities said the loot was so heavy that it would be difficult even
for two full-sized cars to carry it off. [Orlando Sentinel, 7-14-93]
* Damon Washington, 25, was arrested in November in San Francisco and
charged with shoplifting cassette tapes at a record store. After an
investigation, police said that Washington had just escaped from a
medical prison facility and that he needed some tapes to play in the
car while riding to his home near Los Angeles. [San Francisco Chronicle,
11-2-93]
* In August, Darby Johnson, 24, was arrested in Chippewa Falls, Wis.,
while sitting nude in a laundromat with a newspaper over his lap. He
told police he owned only two sets of clothes and that to wash them
separately would require two trips to the laundromat. [Minneapolis Star
Tribune, Aug93]
* The Salt Lake Tribune reported in December that police officer N. S.
Hall had recently arrested two men for engaging in sex in a car in
Ogden, Utah, and had taken them to the police station. Due to a
miscommunication at the station, the men were locked up in the same
cell, and immediately began having sex again. [Salt Lake Tribune,
12-27-93]
* On January 1, the government of Pakistan, under the direction of the
prime minister, Ms. Benazir Bhutto, opened a police station in Islamabad
run entirely by women, to deal only with crimes committed against
females. [Wilmington, N. C., Morning Star, 12-21-93]
* In July, a 17-year-old boy, sitting alone on some steps in Manchester,
N. H., was approached by a police officer on patrol who wanted to stop
to chat. According to the officer, the boy evaded several questions
and then began coughing violently. As the officer rubbed his back to
ease the coughing, the boy finally spit out about two hundred dollars'
worth of cocaine that he had swallowed when he saw the officer
approaching. [Valley News (Hanover, N. H.), Jul93]
The Weirdo-American Community
* In October, a Los Angeles jury convicted James Ambrose McGrath of 18
armed robbery and weapons violations for a string of nine area bank
robberies totaling almost $1 million. McGrath said his primary motive
was "to warn the United States that Japan is planning a sneak
thermonuclear attack against us." In January, McGrath was sentenced to
30 years in prison. [Los Angeles Times, 1-4-94]
Least Justifiable Homicide
* In November, Carmen Friedewald-Hill, 26, was sentenced to 20 years in
prison in Frederick, Md., for shooting her boyfriend, Ryan Gesner, to
death. She shot him in the stomach during an argument over who loved
the other more. [Baltimore Sun, 11-11-93]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
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