[824] in Humor
HUMOR (classic): Fractured English
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Apr 13 15:08:49 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 13 Apr 1995 15:03:33 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
From: Big John Stud <erosenbl@CS.Trinity.Edu>
Date: Sat, 8 Apr 1995 10:54:25 EDT
From: Yollie <ER6979A@AMERICAN.EDU>
> Samples of "English" from around the world:
>
> In a Tokyo Hotel:
> Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are
> not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
>
> In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
> The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that
> time we regret that you will be unbearable.
>
> In a Leipzig elevator:
> Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
>
> In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
> To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If
> the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
> number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically
> by national order.
>
> In a Paris hotel elevator:
> Please leave your values at the front desk.
>
> In a hotel in Athens:
> Visitors are expected to complain at the office
> between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
>
> In a Yugoslavian hotel:
> The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job
> of the chambermaid.
>
> In a Japanese hotel:
> You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
>
> In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
> Orthodox monastery:
> You are welcome to visit the cemetery where
> famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are
> buried daily except Thursday.
>
> In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
> Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of
> repose in the boots of ascension.
>
> On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
> Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
>
> On the menu of a Polish hotel:
> Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with
> cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
> beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
>
> Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
> Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
>
> In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
> Drop your trousers here for best results.
>
> Outside a Paris dress shop:
> Dresses for street walking.
>
> In a Rhodes tailor shop:
> Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
> will execute customers in strict rotation.
>
> Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
> There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by
> 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed
> over the past two years.
>
> A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
> It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping
> site that people of different sex, for instance, men and
> women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other
> for that purpose.
>
> In a Zurich hotel:
> Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of
> the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
> used for this purpose.
>
> In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
> Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
>
> In a Rome laundry:
> Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
> afternoon having a good time.
>
> Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
> Would you like to ride on your own ass?
>
> In a Swiss mountain inn:
> Special today -- no ice cream.
>
> In a Bangkok temple:
> It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
> dressed as a man.
>
> In a Tokyo bar:
> Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
>
> In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
> We take your bags and send them in all directions.
>
> On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
> If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are
> welcome to it.
>
> In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
> Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
>
> In a Budapest zoo:
> Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
> suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
>
> In the office of a Roman doctor:
> Specialist in women and other diseases.
>
> In an Acapulco hotel:
> The manager has personally passed all the water
> served here.
>
> In a Tokyo shop:
> Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
> they are best in the long run.
>
> From a Japanese information booklet about using a
> hotel air conditioner:
> Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of
> warm in your room, please control yourself.
>
> From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
> When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the
> horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
> your passage then tootle him with vigor.
>
> Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
> - English well talking.
> - Here speeching American
