[812] in Humor
HUMOR: WEIRDNUZ.371 (News of the Weird, March 17, 1995)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Apr 11 08:52:43 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 08:47:55 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 10 Apr 1995 18:30:57 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.371 (News of the Weird, March 17, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* Writing in the February Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, two Wisconsin
researchers concluded that nose-picking does not create problems for most
people, but that for some, the habit "may meet criteria for a
disorder -- rhinotillexomania." Among their survey findings: 66.4% of
pickers did it "to relieve discomfort or itchiness" (versus 2.1% for
"enjoyment" and 0.4% for "sexual stimulation"); 65.1% used the index
finger (versus 20.2% little finger and 16.4% thumb); and "Once removed,
the nasal debris was examined, at least some of the time, by most
respondents." [Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, February 1995]
THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY
* Roger T. Martinez filed a $1 million slander suit in Los Angeles in
August against comedian Paul Rodriguez. According to the lawsuit,
Rodriguez, in a TV comedy routine, falsely said that he failed to marry
his girlfriend (Martinez's daughter) because Martinez had attacked him
with a gun, that Rodriguez had then become scared and had inadvertently
urinated, and that Rodriguez was able to escape only because Martinez
slipped on the urine and fell. [Entertainment Law & Finance, September
1994]
* Convicted murderer Allen Kinsella told an Ontario judge in November that
he intends to sue officials at the Bath Institution prison. Kinsella,
who was harshly punished after an escape, said that a ladder carelessly
left behind by a construction crew, and not removed by prison officials,
gave him the idea that he could slip away. [Kingston Whig-Standard,
11-23-94]
* Canada Olympic team goalie Corey Hirsch threatened to file a lawsuit in
February against the government of Sweden because it plans to issue a
postage stamp depicting Sweden's dramatic 1994 hockey victory over Canada.
The winning goal was scored against Hirsch, and he is protesting that the
picture of him, allowing Sweden the winning goal, "is not the way I want
to be remembered." [Edmonton Journal-AP, 2-9-95]
* In January, David Degondea filed a $3 million lawsuit against the New
York Police Department claiming that officers injured him during an
arrest. The arrest was for killing another officer, a crime for which
Degondea was convicted. Part of the $3 million is for "loss of earnings,"
but police evidence shows that Degondea's only occupation was as drug
dealer. [New York Post, 1-9-95]
* In January, the Headcorn Parachute Club in Kent, England, won a lawsuit
against the estate of a deceased member for damaging its airplane. The
woman was accidentally killed when she fell into the airplane's moving
propeller, damaging it. And in August, the federal Board of Veterans'
Appeals granted the application of a wife to receive survivors' benefits
because her husband died of "service-related" injuries. Actually, the
wife had shot the husband to death during an altercation, but she
successfully claimed that previous military stress had caused him to start
the altercation. [Globe and Mail-Reuters, 1-12-95] [Clearinghouse Review,
November 1994]
* Kenneth Abbott filed a lawsuit in December against state and local
police over an traffic incident in Bowling Green, Ky., charging them with
negligence in letting him off with a warning. Abbott was intoxicated at
the time but was released by the officers. He subsequently caused a
traffic accident and was charged with seven counts of wanton endangerment.
He contends that if officers had arrested him in the first place, the
accident never would have occurred. [Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer,
12-30-94]
* In August a judge in Ogden, Utah, awarded $267 in damages to the owner
of a dented car after a man admitted to having sex with a woman on the
hood. The woman claimed that the two had sex on the ground next to the
car; her partner contradicted her, saying that the sex took place on the
car but that she is the one who caused the dents. [Salt Lake Tribune,
8-25-94]
* Last year, women filed lawsuits in Charleston, S. C., and Clifton Park,
N. Y., over injuries suffered in public restroom mishaps. In April, the
South Carolina woman claimed the toilet in Children's Hospital shattered
beneath her, causing her to fall and injure her back. In December, the
New York woman said the toilet at a McDonald's restaurant was unsteady,
causing her to be "thrown" against a wall when she sat down, injuring her
arm, shoulder, and chest. [Post & Courier, 6-22-94] [St. Petersburg Times,
12-9-94]
* Joel Ford filed a $45 million lawsuit in Jackson, Miss., in September
against Oxford University Press, which publishes the principal edition of
the Bible, on the ground that it is based on hearsay and that it oppresses
blacks and gays. (He dropped the lawsuit one month later because, he
said, he had received threats on his life.) [Times-Picayune-AP, 10-29-94]
* A judge in Oakland, Calif., ended Fred Whitaker's free access to state
courts in October after the man filed his 23rd petition in that court, of
about 40 overall since 1987, that the judge called "frivolous." Among
his previous lawsuits: Whitaker sued a grocery store that accepted his
30-cents-off coupon on Mug Root Beer but charged sales tax on the posted
price, lowering his yield to 28 cents. He sued a video club that had
issued him a one-free-video-per-month coupon but had declined to give
him two videos one month after he pointed out that he had not used his
coupon the previous month. [San Francisco Examiner, 10-12-94]
LEAST COMPETENT PERSON
* In December a student at Georgia Tech was hospitalized in serious
condition after he ran down a long dormitory hallway at full speed and
jumped through a window. According to campus police, the man might have
panicked when a very small fire broke out among papers in his room at 3
p.m. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 12-14-94]
LEAST JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE
* William Patrick Ford III, 15, was charged with the murder of a liquor
store owner in Dundalk, Md., in February. According to the police, Ford
shot the man after being rebuffed in his request for change of a dollar.
The victim's last words were, "What do I look like, a bank?" [Baltimore
Sun, 2-22-95]
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use may
be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.
