[81] in Humor
HUMOR: Valentine Thoughts
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Feb 16 14:47:14 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 94 14:41:09 EST
FYI: Governor Weld has declared this whole week "Valentine's Week" in MA.
(So I'm not late with this one . Nyah. )
:P :)
-Drew
------- Forwarded Message
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 1994 11:36:07 -0500 (EST)
From: Steve Berczuk <berczuk@space.mit.edu>
From: Rod Holland - Sun BOS Software <Rod.Holland@East.Sun.COM>
>From dfc@apple.com Mon Feb 14 20:28:10 1994
Remember when this was a day for tender sentiments? Then the Hallmark
people lost control to the Studio Card folks, and it's been downhill ever
since!
- Don
>Date: Mon, 14 Feb 94 09:23:41 -0800
>From: OCHSR@HARVARDA.HARVARD.EDU
>
>----------------------------Original message----------------------------
>Mail*Link(r) SMTP FWD>RE>Valentines Quotes
>
>
>Subject: Re: Valentines Quotes
>
>What's love got to do with it?...
>
>=========================================================================
>
>Received: 07-09-93 14:03 Sent: 07-09-93 13:23
>Subject: Valentines Quotes
>
>
>----------
>> "You'll NEED someone to love while you're looking
>> for someone TO love."
>> - Selagh Delaney
>>
>>
>> "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."
>> - Oscar Wilde
>>
>>
>> "Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
>> - Lynda Barry
>>
>>
>> "Have you ever dated someone because you were
>> too lazy to commit suicide?"
>> - Judy Tenuda
>>
>>
>> "Never date a woman you can hear ticking."
>> - Mark Patinkin
>>
>>
>> "I require three things in a man. He must be
>> handsome, ruthless and stupid."
>> - Dorothy Parker
>>
>>
>> "Women are cursed, and men are the proof."
>> - Rosanne Barr
>>
>> "If a woman has to choose between catching a
>> a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will
>> choose to save the infant's life without even
>> considering if there are men on base."
>> - Dave Barry
>>
>>
>> "I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping
>> to get lucky, but there's never any gum under
>> any of them."
>> - Emo Philips
>>
>>
>> SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD:
>> Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life
>> and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday
>> football and go to the Botanical Gardens with
>> that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery
>> if necessary.
>> - Joe Bob Briggs
>>
>>
>> "Women with pasts interest men... they hope
>> history will repeat itself."
>> - Mae West
>>
>>
>> "There is one thing I would break up over,
>> and that is if she caught me with another
>> woman. I won't stand for that."
>> - Steve Martin
>>
>>
>> "I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is
>> unaware of it."
>> - Gary Shandling
>>
>> "My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to
>> get married and I didn't want him to."
>> - Rita Rudner
>>
>>
>> "What do I know about sex? I'm a married
>> man."
>> - Tom Clancy
>>
>>
>> Warning signs that lover is bored:
>> 1. Passionless kisses
>> 2. Frequent sighing
>> 3. Moved, left no forwarding address
>> - Matt Groening
>>
>>
>> "I said to my girl, 'Was it good for you too?'
>> And she said, 'I don't think this was good
>> for anybody."
>> - Gary Shandling
>>
>>
>> "I married the first man I ever kissed.
>> When I tell my children that, they just
>> about throw up."
>> - Barbara Bush
>>
>>
>> "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be
>> happy, the single wish to be married, and the
>> married wish to be dead."
>> - Ann Landers
>>
>>
>> "Instead of getting married again, I'm going
>> to find a woman I don't like and give her a
>> house."
>> - Lewis Grizzard
>>
>>
>> "Get married early in the morning. That way, if
>> it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole
>> day."
>> - Mickey Rooney
>>
>> "Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing
>> happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter,
>> you can't think of anybody either?"
>> - Rodney Dangerfield
>>
>>
>> "In expressing love we belong among the undeveloped
>> countries."
>> - Saul Bellow
>>
>>
>> "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not
>> ready for an institution."
>> - Mae West
>>
>>
>> "Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage."
>> - Ambrose Bierce
>>
>>
>> "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
>> - Sigmind Freud
>>
>> "I kissed my first girl and smoked my first
>> cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time
>> for tobacco since."
>> - Arturo Toscanini
>>
>
>
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