[785] in Humor
HUMOR (sorta):Did you know?
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Mar 23 22:39:09 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 22:36:14 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
thisapparently started out asa chain letter, but it now lives on as some
interesting ponderables. I'd swear that some of these originated with
Steven Wright (sp?) the deadpan comedian.
-Drew
WHY ASK WHY?
------------
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink
and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks
on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to
the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when
you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if
the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called
cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?
Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most
successful men. At least they found the secret of making money.
Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these
men?
1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died
a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is
insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from
prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
penniless.
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot
himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf
championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments.
Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.
CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF
