[701] in Humor
fun stuff to do while killing time at an athena cluster...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Patricia E Palmer)
Tue Jan 31 11:28:10 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 31 Jan 1995 11:19:18 EST
From: Patricia E Palmer <pattypep@MIT.EDU>
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Date: Mon, 30 Jan 1995 22:20:43 -0500
To: pattypep@MIT.EDU, ST942086@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
From: dna2@cornell.edu (David Allen)
Subject: Patty, this one's especially for you, I kept thinking of Athena
>Date: Thu, 26 Jan 1995 18:04:54 -0500 (EST)
>From: Fia <sfb2@crux2.cit.cornell.edu>
>Subject: 50 ways to scare people (fwd)
>To: Seanachai <ars5@cornell.edu> (Adam Robert Smith),
> Cootiemonger <dna2@cornell.edu> (David Nichols Allen),
> Cootiehead <jrm16@cornell.edu> (Jon Ryoo Miller),
> Brujita <vr13@cornell.edu> (Vimala Ramachandran),
> Elmo <ksw3@cornell.edu> (Kevin Sean Williams),
> Timala <tmh12@cornell.edu> (Timothy Michael Hurley),
> Robala <rwb4@cornell.edu> (Robert Walter Brown)
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>
>
>---------- Forwarded message ----------
>Date: Wed, 25 Jan 1995 21:19:56 -0500
>From: Scott Anderson <joker@tdkt.mn.org>
>To: joke@tdkt.skypoint.net
>Subject: 50 ways to scare people
>
>50 Ways to Scare People In the Computer Room/Lab
>
>1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
> scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
>2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop
> and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
>3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty
> that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned
> it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for
> a good half hour.
>4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you
> evilly.
>5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to
> different screen than the one it's set up with.
>6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at
> the highest volume possible over & over again.
>7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by
> something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
>8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
> Pentagon files.
>9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
>10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
>11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it,
> say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
>12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at
> everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
>13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if
> they're crazy while typing.
>14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
>15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
> agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
>16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required,
> pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it
> finishes.
>17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
>18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It
> helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new
> friends).
>19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type
> by hitting the keys with the straw.
>20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion
> Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
>21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to
> your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then
> complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
>22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it
> doesn't work, get the supervisor.
>23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where
> the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
>24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done
> (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
>25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing
> this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
>26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next
> to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the
> person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is
> far more effective to let them linger.
>27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut
> them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
>28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
> desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
>29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and
> place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and
> drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the
> aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
>30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like
> this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
> conditions.
>31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and
> continue working.
>32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
>33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
> key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly.
> Write an entire paper this way.
>34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
>35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me,
> mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
>36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
>37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
> old ways are best.
>38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
>39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
> see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your
> fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit
> his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you
> do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and
> resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until
> you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then,
> suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar
> this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your
> document and leave.
>40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and
> complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put
> some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer
> is drooling.)
>41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst
> out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your
> stuff and leave, howling as you go.
>42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making
> elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse,
> then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table,
> walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time,"
> and calmly start to type again.
>43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
>44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them
> like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance
> to figure out you're a total stranger.
>45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
> Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
>46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead
> doesn't work.
>47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers
> in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily,
> exclaim "You''re such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this
> after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard.
> Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
>48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly
> sit down and begin to type.
>49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev
> that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me
> that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
>50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
>
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