[637] in Humor
HUMOR: Ho ho ho!
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Dec 23 11:50:25 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 23 Dec 1994 11:39:17 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 94 11:59:45 PST
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Michael Leibig <leibig@itp.ucsb.edu>
>From: mhsx@midway.uchicago.edu (Mark Schofield)
A little holiday humor follows.
>From: erict@ascent.com (Eric Tiffany)
>from Art, as usual.
- ----------------
Every year around this time, alot of you decorate your homes
in Christmas decorations. I do this as well. A week or two ago,
I took down a box and decorated our home lightly because we will
be on vacation by the 18th. I hung up a few paper cut-outs,
garland around the stairs and this cute roll of toilet paper
for the guest bathroom that has Santa's face throughout.
This is also the time, as some of you will remember, that I
was going to "attempt" to get Arthur to see Santa. Some of you
will remember my "attempt" with the Easter Bunny.
Well, I've been talking to Arthur about Santa and he's been
quite receptive (yeah, right! He was receptive with the Easter
Bunny until he was the next person in line and ended up around
my neck).
Last night, we went to the mall. The line was not very long
so I walked over to the Santa area and allowed Arthur to look
at him over the red fence. He looked at him and seemed to be
quite relaxed about him.
"Would you like to talk with Santa?", I asked.
Arthur was quiet for a few seconds and said, "Not right now, Mama."
"Fine", I said, "We'll come back in a few minutes".
We walked around the mall for about an hour and returned to Santa.
The line was getting long so I thought I'd better do it now so I
say, "Arthur, let's see Santa now, okay?"
Arthur held my hand and said, "Okay"
We stood in line.
I looked for all the tell-tale signs that would let me know when
Arthur was getting nervous. You know those signs. The ever-so-subtle
squeeze of the hand, the gripping of your leg, the yanking and tearing
of your hair as he's up around your neck afraid for his life. Well,
none of these things happened. I was surprised. I was excited. I was
relieved.
It was our turn.
Santa reached down and put Arthur on his knee. Arthur sat on Santa's
knee and stared. It wasn't a frightened stare. He had a slight frown
on his forehead but stared at him just the same.
"And what would you like for Christmas, young man?", Santa asked.
Arthur continued to stare and then his face lit up and he said,
"I wipe your face on my butt!"
Arthur looked back at me and said, "Look Mama, Santa's the face on
the toilet paper when I go potty!"
I stood there stunned. People in line started to laugh and I could
hear the echo of his comment rolling down the line of people waiting.
I covered my face with my hand while Arthur looked back at Santa and
again said, "Your face wipes my butt"
Santa looked up at me and back to Art and said, "Well, uh...okay....
what would you like for Christmas?"
Arthur didn't answer. He just stared after that.
I took him by the hand and walked away. The whole line of people
watched us with a myriad of laughs and yet more echoes of Arthur's
statement.
My face was seven shades of red! I went home and told Dad all about
it while he watched television. When I got to the part about
Santa's face wiping Arthur's butt, Dad looked at me.
"Where did he pick that up?", I asked.
"Well, when you first put the toilet paper in the guest
bathroom and I helped Arthur after he....uh....went, I
said, "Look Arthur, we're are wiping your butt with
Santa's face!". That's where he heard it".
"Great", I said."I'm sure Santa will be telling his elves
this story for years to come, thanks to you".
Let's see now. He's ripped the Easter Bunny's ears off, and
now has told Santa what he does with his face. What's next?
