[602] in Humor
HUMOR: More Pentium Humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Dec 12 09:40:51 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 09:37:34 EST
Date: Fri, 9 Dec 1994 13:18:16 -0500 (EST)
From: Steve Berczuk <berczuk@space.mit.edu>
From: Rod Holland - Sun BOS Software <rjh@aum.East.Sun.COM>
Subject: more Pentium humor
Intel (NASDAQ: INTC) today announced a 3 for 1.99994562416 stock split
effective Jan 5, 1995, for stockholders of record as of Dec 9, 1994.
Although analysts were surprised about the strange ratio in the stock
split, an Intel spokesman stated that "That's just the way the math
worked out!"
Intel also filed a motion with the SEC requesting that it be allowed to
publish it's financial reports to only 1 or 2 significant digits
stating that: "There are significant efficiencies to be gained, both
in the preparation and printing of financial reports. Just as
taxpayers can choose to file returns using the whole dollar method, we
feel we can get financial reports out much faster if we don't have to
rerun all our spreadsheets through a PowerPC to verify them. Besides,
most investors only care about the first 2 significant digits anyway!"
In related news, Microsoft Corporation (NASDAQ: MSFT) announced that
its chairman, Bill Gates, had filed for personal bankruptcy after
discovering that his personal net worth had been overstated by
approximately $8 billion due to a undisclosed computer glitch.
