[594] in Humor
HUMOR: not the ``good times'' virus
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (clineja@MIT.EDU)
Thu Dec 8 09:36:40 1994
From: clineja@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 8 Dec 94 09:30:52 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: mdsmith@MIT.EDU
From: "Jeff M. Pratt" <74267.2304@compuserve.com>
From: tcowan@mozart.convex.com (Taylor G. Cowan)
Watch out for these viruses...
Bobbit Virus:
Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that
part will never work again.)
Oprah Winfrey Virus:
Your 200Mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80Mb, and then slowly expands
back to 200Mb.
AT&T Virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus:
Every three minutes it tells you that you're paying too much for the
AT&T virus.
Paul Revere Virus:
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C: .
Politically Correct Virus:
Never calls itself a virus , but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."
Right to Life Virus:
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you
attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about
possible alternatives.
Ross Perot Virus:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn
thing quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus:
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Ted Turner Virus:
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Government Economist Virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which
does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part of your computer.
Gallup Virus:
Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38 percent of their data
14 percent of the time. (Plus or minus 3.5 percent margin of error)
Texas Virus:
Makes sure it s bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus:
Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional Virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline Virus:
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
PBS Virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis Virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to
resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Ollie North Virus:
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Nike Virus:
Just does it.
Sears Virus:
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a
set of shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus:
Your programs can never be found again.
Kevorkian Virus:
Helps your computer shutdown as an act of mercy.
Imelda Marcos Virus:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money
from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it
purchases through Prodigy.
Star Trek Virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care Virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill
for $4,500.
George Bush Virus:
It starts out by boldly displaying, " Read my docs...no new files!" on
the screen. It then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard
drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Oral Roberts Virus:
Claims that if you don t send it a million dollars, it's programmer
will take it back.
