[58] in Humor
HUMOR: Topical Skating Humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Feb 4 13:36:24 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 04 Feb 94 10:37:00 EST
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 1994 04:14:16 -0700
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
...
From: S.F. Chronicle (without permission).
TAKE THE TONYA QUIZ; GUESS THE GUARD'S IQ -- Tom Fitzgerald
If you haven't been keeping up with the Harding-Kerrigan affair,
you may have trouble holding up your end of the conversation at
the office water cooler. This quiz, courtesy of Rocky Mountain
News columnist Bob Kravitz, will tell you how you're doing.
1. The most important piece of equipment a figure skater can carry is:
a) a skate sharpener
b) a makeup kit
c) The Club
2. Which of the following has a higher IQ than the bodyguard:
a) a Chia Pet
b) the Clapper
c) Nancy Kerrigan
d) all of the above
3. The Gillooly Gang would have been better off:
a) simply tying Kerrigan's laces together
b) inserting subliminal Satanic verses into her music
c) ripping off her rouge
d) going to Buffalo and taking the Bills out before they could
return to the Super Bowl
4. If it's Monday, Harding and Jeff Gillooly must be:
a) married
b) divorced
c) seeking mutual restraining orders
d) planning a really long trip to Ecuador
* "Now, I don't know as much as Dick Button when it comes to figure
skating," says Kravitz, "but do they subtract points if you do your
double Salchows while wearing handcuffs?"
* "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of
figure skating," says Charles Barkley. "I was going to sue her for
defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."
* From David Letterman: "Because of the pressure that Attorney
General Janet Reno has been putting on the networks to cut down on
the violence on TV, today CBS announced that they were dropping
figure skating."
