[506] in Humor
HUMOR: STTNG Script Simplifications
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Oct 20 10:34:39 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 20 Oct 1994 10:30:44 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 18 Oct 94 17:16:04 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: Rescripting Star Trek: TNG
From mdb-humor-request@cisco.com
From: fredc@mailserv-D.ftp.com
In order to achieve greater savings and also to improve the dramatic
quality of the series, we really need _script_ compression. For
example, lines such as the following,
Geordi; "Captain, there's a problem in the warp phase induction coil,
causing a buildup in tachyon particles, which might cause
the anti-matter temporal displacement unit to fail. But, I
believe with the help of Wesley's new invention, we can
temporarily bypass the frequency sub-space modulator, and
route the photon depressurizer to the impulse power
sub-compression unit."
Picard; "Make it so."
can, without a loss of content, be reduced to,
Geordi; "There's a problem with the engines, but I think I can fix
it."
Picard; "Make it so."
Furthermore, the following examples offer even greater savings;
Change this;
Riker; "Deanna, you know I still have feelings for you, despite the
fact that I'm not a good enough actor to actually portray
them, but I'm still your commanding officer, and we're just
going to have to live with our repressed desire for each
other"
Deanna; "Will, It's good to discuss our emotions with each other. I'm
so glad you've shared this deep and valuable insight with me.
It reminds me of that night on Rigel 7...." etc...
to this;
Riker; "Let's do it."
Deanna; "OK!"
Change this;
Picard; "Dr. Crusher, perhaps you'd like to drop by my quarters and
have a cup of tea and some crumpets and discuss the moral
ramifications bio-fungus testing. Then perhaps we can take a
stroll through the Holo-deck and dress up like 18th century
english noblemen or something?"
Beverly; "Yes Captain."
to this;
Picard; "8;00, my quarters, dress sexy!"
Beverly; "Yes, Captain!"
finally, change this;
Wesley; "Look mom! I've just developed this new space-time
de-fragmentor. It uses non-linear spatio-dynamic equations I
just learned about 5 minutes ago to re-partition the fabric
of space-time. See?"
- --Wesley throws the switch--
Data; "It appears that we have just been thrown into an alternate
universe, wherein we will undoubtedly meet some hostile,
ignorant, aggressive creatures with whom we will certainly be
able to reason calmly and rationally."
to this;
Wesley; "Look mom! See what I've invented?"
- --Wesley throws the switch--
BBBBZZZZZZTTTTT!!!!!!!!
Data; "It appears that Wesley has been carbonized."
Of course, Worf's lines can remain unchanged...
