[50] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW Dec31
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Feb 3 18:57:47 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 94 18:54:17 EST
Date: Thu, 3 Feb 1994 18:06:17 -0700
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
WEIRDNUZ.308 (News of the Weird, December 31, 1993)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In November, radio evangelist Rev. Joseph R. Chambers of Charlotte,
N. C., issued a four-state warning that Barney, the TV dinosaur, is a
tool of satan because he teaches kids to love others in spite of their
differences. In September, Baptist Rev. Charles Mainous, Pastor Tom
Coffman, and other Columbus, Ohio, area ministers, issued a similar
warning about Rev. Billy Graham, who Coffman said is "helping the anti-
Christ" by bringing various religions together. [Columbus Guardian,
9-29-93]
Questionable Judgments
* Milwaukee (Wis.) County House of Corrections inmate David Schlemm, in
jail for battering Renae Hertlein, applied for a Thanksgiving Day pass
under the jail's liberal holiday policy. Employees granted his request
despite his having written, as his destination, Hertlein's name and
address. Fifteen minutes after Schlemm left the jail, a hysterical
Hertlein called the police because Schlemm was trying to break in. [St.
Petersburg Times-AP, 12-6-93]
* Blaise Pugh was arrested in Washington, D. C., in September after he
made several boasts on a taped episode of the "Sally Jessy Rafael" TV
show about having violated parole. Pugh told a surprised Raphael that
he had no fear of being exposed on television. Federal marshals raided
his home while the show was being aired in Washington and found Pugh
watching himself on TV. [Washington Times-AP, 9-27-93]
* In April, a French physician, addressing the American Burn Association
annual meeting in Cincinnati, said that a prescription psoriasis drug
is being misused in his country to accelerate suntanning. He reported
on 12 recent cases, all female, in which an average of 85% of the body's
surface had been burned. The exposure also radically increased the risk
of skin cancer. [The Medical Post, 4-27-93]
* In July, the Associated Press reported that the defect rate for
condoms dispensed in Arkansas state health clinics and schools was more
than 10 times higher than that tolerated by the U. S. Food and Drug
Administration and that FDA considered getting a court order to seize
the condoms. However, the Arkansas Health Department, then under the
direction of U. S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, decided that
keeping the defect rate secret would "serve a greater public health
purpose" because the public would not lose confidence in condoms.
[Baltimore Sun-AP, 7-22-93]
* In November, Brazilian farm laborer Francisco Asis dos Santos was
hospitalized near Sao Paulo after he shot himself in the eye. He told
doctors that he had had a bad toothache and tried to shoot the tooth
out, but missed. [Houston Post-Reuter, 11-26-93]
* In August, the Maine Supreme Court finally rejected the appeal of
Douglas Merrill, who had sought damages from the Central Maine Power
Company after he was badly burned in a 1976 incident. He was trying to
cook an eel using a live electrical line at a Maine Power substation.
[USA Today, 8-3-93]
* In Kennett, Mo., in August, Larry White pleaded guilty to burglary
just before trial and was sentenced to six years in prison. He was
caught because, in trying to eliminate the possibility of a shoe print
when he kicked open a door, he removed his shoe. However, he left a
clear, identifiable footprint, which is more useful to detectives,
anyway. [Kennett Daily Dunlkin Democrat, 9-1-93]
* In November, four girls representing the four classes at Silverton
(Ore.) Union High School, as part of a pep rally contest, vied to see
which one could sit on blocks of dry ice the longest. Although the
stunt lasted only 15 minutes, the four were rushed to the hospital with
second- and third-degree burns. Dry ice is much colder than ordinary
ice. [Salem (Ore.) Statesman Journal, 11-11-93]
* An unidentified man wound up in a Phoenix, Ariz., hospital in critical
condition in December after allegedly robbing a Whataburger restaurant
and fleeing. The man's car crashed into a bridge railing during the
police chase, and he decided his chances were better in the river so he
dove in head first. The river was dry, and the man landed on his head.
[Arizona Republic, 12- 1-93]
* In December, a 32-year-old man drowned near Fort Worth, Tex., in a
pond just off the 17th hole of the Lancaster municipal golf course,
while diving to salvage golf balls. And three days later in West Haven,
Conn., a 42-year-old man who had just dashed across six lanes of I-95
was killed by a car when he went back onto the highway to retrieve his
hat. [Dallas Morning News, 12-4-93; New Haven Register, 12-7-93]
* In November, a jury in Columbia, Mo., convicted Elmer Tatum, 35, of
robbery, based in part on the disguise he used. A witness said the
robber wore a large black garbage bag over his body with only one hole
cut out, for his right arm. Elmer Tatum's left arm had long ago been
amputated. [Columbia Missourian, 11-19-93]
* According to police in Chelmsford, Mass., Michael Wright and Steven
Bean, both age 18, confessed in November to robbing a gas station. The
men were hospitalized at the time of their confession because they had
shot each other in the shoulder. They had claimed another man had
committed the robbery and shot them during his getaway. [[Excelsior
Springs Daily Standard-AP, 11-19-93]]
The Weirdo-American Community
* Terry Mount, 48, was charged with criminal trespassing in Council
Bluffs, Iowa, in September. According to police, Mount, who was the
maintenance supervisor at a large apartment house, had entered at least
20 apartments and stuffed men's magazines, women's underpants, condoms,
and other sexually oriented items behind heating vents. [Des Moines
Register, 9-29-93]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
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