[42] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW 12/24
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jan 31 12:39:12 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 94 12:36:27 EST
Date: Sun, 30 Jan 1994 19:22:10 -0700
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! <matossian@aludra.colorado.edu>
WEIRDNUZ.307 (News of the Weird, December 24, 1993)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* Nude dancer Dora Oberling, 30, was recovering nicely from a gunshot
wound inflicted by a 75-year-old man during an argument outside the Mons
Venus Club in Tampa, Fla., in October. Tampa police Sgt. M. D. Smith
said that paramedics treating Oberling told him that her breast implants
"might have saved her life" by slightly deflecting the bullet aimed at
her chest. [St. Petersburg Times, 10-15-93]
The Continuing Crisis
* Junius Wilson, who cannot speak or hear, was charged with attempted
rape in 1925 at the age of 29 and sent to a psychiatric hospital in
Wilmington, N. C., after he was declared incompetent to stand trial.
He has lived there ever since, even though the rape charge was dropped.
In 1992 the state ruled that Wilson, by then aged 96, could leave the
hospital to live in an apartment provided by the state. But in November
1993, the state announced that Wilson would have to continue to live in
the hospital because the apartment the state intended for him was found
to contain lead-based paint, causing officials to fear for Wilson's
health. [Charleston Post & Courier-AP, 12-2-93]
* Russian officials reported that U. S. economist Michael Dasaro, 35,
died of a routine heart attack in Moscow in November. However, the
officials acknowledged that robbers had ransacked Dasaro's apartment
either shortly before or shortly after his death. When the body arrived
at the home of a family member in Peabody, Mass., later in the month,
Dasaro's heart was missing. [Boston Herald, 11-30-93]
* In December, Bill Holcomb, a disabled, $5-an-hour bell-ringer for the
Salvation Army stationed in front of a K-Mart in St. Petersburg, Fla.,
was fired for failure to bring in enough money. The area Salvation Army
commander said, "We tell those who come in that this [job] isn't for
everyone." [St. Petersburg Times, 12-4-93]
* Reuters news service reported in November that Iraq has become a major
supplier to the world market for human kidneys and other organs.
Officials say the increase in donors was caused by the 1990 United
Nations economic sanctions, which have reduced the value of Iraqi money
by 99%. [Edmonton Journal-Reuters, 11-27-93]
* In November, the city of Bombay, India, on a cleanup campaign,
announced it had 70 job openings for rat catchers; it received 40,000
applications--half from college graduates. [Globe & Mail, 11-23-93]
* The Wall Street Journal reported in September that the government of
Switzerland has purchased 65 million potassium iodide pills, enough for
everyone in the country to take in case of a nuclear accident. The
pills supposedly prevent radiation from accumulating in the thyroid
gland and thus avert one type of cancer associated with a nuclear
accident. [Wall Street Journal, Sept93]
* In November, the Grand Canyon claimed its seventh death-by-fall victim
of the year. At least two people toppled over backward as they tried
to position themselves to accommodate family photographers. Said the
director of a local outdoors group, "A lot of tourists approach the
Grand Canyon like a ride at Disneyland . . . and think it's idiot-proof.
The Grand Canyon wasn't build by attorneys and engineers." [USA Today,
12-1-93; St. Petersburg Times-AP, 12-2-93; Monroe (La.) News-Star,
11-11-93; High County News, 11-15-93]
* In a September lawsuit for wrongful firing, former Peace Corps
volunteer Paul T. Correri, 64, said his country director in Cape Verde,
Africa, dismissed him because Correri is homosexual, which the director
thought would offend local citizens. Correri charged that, while
employed, he was ordered to "conspicuously" say goodbye in his front
yard to any local male visitors each afternoon so as to assure the
neighbors that the visitors were not staying overnight. [AP wirecopy,
9-30-93]
* This summer, the government of China proposed a program to raise money
by launching the ashes of dead people into space--either on a 12-year
voyage or forever. NASA criticized the program, pointing out that it
would merely increase the debris in space. [Globe & Mail-Sunday
Telegraph, 8-25-93]
* In July, a 20-year-old University of Saskatchewan student, after
climbing out of a ditch where he had survived a truck accident minutes
before, was run over and killed by a tractor-trailer. In October, a
40-year-old Kansas City, Kan., man, who had just survived a truck
accident on Interstate 635, died when he fell over the side of a bridge
as he was getting out of the truck. And on that same October day, a
23-year-old man, who had just survived ramming his truck into a utility
pole in Dekalb, N. Y., stepped on a severed power line as he walked
toward the highway and was electrocuted. [Edmonton Journal, 7-8-93;
Kansas City Star, 10-11-93; New Haven Register-AP, 10-11-93]
* The Toronto Globe and Mail reported in October on the religious
importance of Pepsi Cola in the town of San Juan Chamula, in southern
Mexico. Practicing a blend of Christianity and worship of Mayan gods,
many parishioners believe their leaders' doctrine that because Pepsi
has more bubbles than Coca-Cola, it is closer to the sun and thus more
powerful. Bottles of Pepsi appear among holy artifacts inside local
churches, and some leaders believe the cola has healing powers.
(Coca-Cola officials say the dominance is due purely to Pepsi's payment
of kickbacks to the leaders.) [Globe & Mail, 10-30-93]
Creme de la Weird
* Imprisoned mass murderer Charles Manson struck two deals for himself
in November. He will receive 10 cents' royalty for every shirt sold by
a vendor who uses his likeness on "Charlie Don't Surf" T-shirts. And
the new Guns N' Roses album contains an unpublicized song, "Look at Your
Game, Girl," reportedly written by Manson before he was imprisoned. A
source told the Associated Press that Manson's royalties could reach
$60,000 if the album sells a million copies. [New York Times-AP,
11-25-93; USA Today, 11-26-93]
I Don't Think So
* Councilman Larry Townsend of Alvin, Tex., who said publicly in
February that he thought only Christians should be allowed to hold
public office in the U. S., was further criticized for using a racial
slur. However, he said the only reason he used the slur was because he
was role-playing during a "training exercise" and had been asked by the
"public relations" people conducting the exercise to use language that
would offend minorities. [Houston Post, 2-2-93]
Copyright 1993, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
