[398] in Humor
HUMOR: Short bits
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Tue Aug 9 09:28:50 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 09 Aug 94 09:26:00 EDT
Date: Wed, 03 Aug 1994 12:00:48 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
...
From: m5: A Tivoli Engineer
Subject: Re: ProTEAM Notifications
WG writes:
> Does this mean the bug went from fixed to open ?
>> bug 3067
>> short_desc: Dialogs do not resize when layouts of group gadgets are modified
>> Jul 7 1994 9:10:22:350AM: Taylor,E: Bug Status: 'FIXED' ---> 'OPEN'
No. It means that the Starship "FIXED" is firing a tachyon beam weapon
at the starship "OPEN", which it has been pursuing across the galaxy.
You see, Walt, the crew of the "OPEN" was captured, hideously tortured,
and marooned on a gigantic ice world deep within the M-37 nebula. The
perpetrators of this heinous act, a band of renegades from Planetoid
Alpha Tau, have been hunted ever since by the fearless Captain Yoyo of
the aging but beloved Starship "FIXED" and his rag-tag crew of scruffy
spacemen. The Scopus database was just sending you an update on the
situation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 4 Aug 94 12:16:36 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
Message-Id: <9408041916.AA15954@nym.SJF.novell.com>
To: ckleinja@nym.SJF.novell.com
Subject: HUMOR: Calories of work activities
A recent report by the Southern California Medical Association pointed
out that proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by
dieting alone.
People who spend most of their day behind a desk face a particular problem
in losing weight. Too many of these people fail to realize that calories
can be burned off by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous exercises that
are common for office workers:
Activity Calories Burned
Beating around the bush 75
Jogging your memory 125
Jumping to conclusions 100
Climbing the walls 250
Swallowing your pride 150
Passing the buck 25
Grasping at straws 75
Beating your own drum 100
Throwing your weight around (depends on weight) 50-300
Dragging your heels 100
Pushing your luck 360
Making mountains out of molehills 500
Hitting the nail on the head 50
Spinning your wheels 145
Flying off the handle 225
Turning the other cheek 50
Wading through paperwork 300
Bending over backwards 75
Jumping on the bandwagon 200
Balancing the books 335
Beating your head against a wall 450
Patting yourself on the back 25
Sticking your neck out 980
Racing against time 300
Running around in circles 215
Chewing nails 85
Eating crow 190
Fishing for compliments 35
Tooting your own horn 50
Climbing the ladder of success 750
Pulling out the stops 100
Adding fuel to the fire 85
Pouring salt on a wound 30
Wrapping it up at day's end 12
