[3950] in Humor
HUMOR: Axis of Evil Update
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Pug)
Sat Mar 29 15:13:48 2003
Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.2.20030329150636.025a0b00@imap.fas.harvard.edu>
Date: Sat, 29 Mar 2003 15:12:47 -0500
To: humor@mit.edu, mowu@mit.edu,
"Mary Gallagher, Mary Gallagher" <mary@mgdd.us>, kris@speechcode.com,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@mit.edu, dahv@mit.edu,
may.tsai@worldnet.att.net, immer@mit.edu, jacktheflash@attbi.com,
lfdc@attbi.com, lindamarc@juno.com, tenn917@msn.com,
bmendell@attbi.com, dmm1313@hotmail.com, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
milynch@fas.harvard.edu, leite@fas.harvard.edu,
"mbullet@fas.harvard.edu" <mbullet@fas.harvard.edu>,
ejrobert@fas.harvard.edu
From: Pug <pug@MIT.EDU>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
A bit of levity for an otherwise depressingly serious time.....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Axis of Evil Wannabes, by Andrew Marlatt
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis
can't have more than three countries, "explained Iraqi President Saddam
Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had
Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three,
and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what
became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil,"
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of
Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable." With the
criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up...Sierra
Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries
That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics."
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually
Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while
Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That
Should Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat,
really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First
Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
"Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field
mailto:pug@mit.edu
www.fas.harvard.edu/~smfield
