[395] in Humor
HUMOR: More Elephant Jokes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 8 16:55:17 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 08 Aug 94 16:51:50 EDT
Date: Mon, 08 Aug 1994 11:29:53 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
Subject: YAROTEJ (Yet Another Rework of the Elephant Joke)
...
From: isom (Isom L. Crawford)
A study was done to find out the different methods computer programmers
use to solve problems. The study consisted of taking different
programmers to South Africa and telling them to go find an elephant.
The COBOL programmers immediately adopted a simple strategy; they took
a picture of an elephant, faced east and started walking. Each time
they encountered an animal they compared it to the picture, and if it
didn't match they tossed it aside and kept walking. When they came to
an ocean they took one step north and started back to the west,
repeating the algorithm with each ocean. The more experienced
programmers placed a known elephant in Cairo to keep themselves from
walking off into the Mediterranean.
The Assembly Language programmers used the same method as their COBOL
brethren, but executed it on their knees -- insisting it was more
efficient that way.
The Database programmers hired thousands of natives at enormous expense,
gave them all a picture of an elephant and sent them running north in
different directions. Some of the things they got back did in fact
resemble elephants.
The Artificial Intelligence programmers sat down and developed a complex
and complete definition of what an elephant was, what were its
attributes and the procedure one would follow to create a mathematical
ratio of 'not an elephant at all' to 'absolutely an elephant' for any
one animal. At no time did they actually attempt to find an elephant.
The Object Oriented programmers went to the library and checked out the
book 'Finding Kangaroos in the Australian Outback'. They carefully
changed every occurrence in the book of the words 'Australia' to
'Africa' and 'Kangaroo' to 'Elephant'. Then, following the directions
in their book to the letter, they went out and promptly found a
kangaroo.
