[3836] in Humor
HUMOR: Message from Santa
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Dec 10 11:01:13 2002
Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.2.20021210105023.03f894c0@imap.fas.harvard.edu>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 10:51:35 -0500
To: humor@mit.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
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>From: JBran18610@aol.com
>Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 10:46:00 EST
>Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: Message from Santa]
>To: sharalee_field@harvard.edu
>X-Mailer: AOL 7.0 for Windows US sub 10626
>
>
>-------- Original Message --------
>Subject: Message from Santa
>Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 09:04:26 -0500
>From: Carolyn Grant <cegrant@UDel.Edu>
>Organization: University of Delaware
>To: sbranden@UDel.Edu
>
>
>
>I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
>serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Maryland, Virginia, North and
>South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on
>Christmas Eve.
>
> Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
>contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
>209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks
>for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
>
> However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands
>with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
>Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal
>of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
>few differences between us.
>
> Differences such as:
>
> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from
>Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
>reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>
> 2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
>children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the
>fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.
>He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
>
> 3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon
>dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
>my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
>fireplace.
>
> 4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.."
>when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
>Andretti, on Elliott and Petty.
>
> 5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also
>are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
>
> 6.As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
>does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words
>"Back Off."
>
> 7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
>Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
>negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
>Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
>Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
>
> And Finally,
>
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
>sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over
>to put presents
>under the tree.
>
> Sincerely Yours,
>
> Santa Claus
