[3779] in Humor
HUMOR: Ode to a Clam Bake
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jonathan Reed)
Sat Oct 12 17:05:00 2002
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Date: Sat, 12 Oct 2002 17:04:37 -0400
From: Jonathan Reed <jdreed@MIT.EDU>
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New Englanders will find this amusing - this was given to my grandfather
at a company clambake in 1954, by a co-worker from England. English
people are not terribly enthuiastic when confronted with a clambake for
the first time:
Lines on a Clam Bake
I much regret to say I am
Antipathetic to the clam.
A nasty little mollusk, this:
His little rubber proboscis
(Deprived withh care of slimy skin)
Is firmly held when you begin
To masticate the pulpy part
(Containing stomach, lungs and heart),
The taste of which is said to be
Quite redolently of the sea,
Though some adjacent, juicy drain
Would suitably the smell explain.
At clam bakes served with proper state
You will observe beside your plate
A cup containing dirty water,
In which tradition said you oughter
Immerse your flaccid mollusk and
twiddle it 'round to shift the sand.
Now you are ready to begin.
You dip the little fellow in
A sort of buttery emulsion,
And (conquering feelings of repulsion)
Brandish the dripping corpse on high
About the level of the eye.
Just here is where the process will
Call for a certain need of skill.
Judging thhe time between the drips,
Insert in mouth and close the lips;
Bite off the rubber tube and gulp
Right down in one the mess of puip.
Then force a smile - your feelings smother
And reach the hand out for another.
But clams can make strong men turn pale,
And, should your shrinking stomach quail
Before a repetitive dose,
Become loquasious and verbose.
Exalt the flavour of the clam;
Mention the Philadelphia dam;
Speak of the Rock where Pilgrims trod;
Diiscuss the claims of Rye and Scotch;
Extoll the charms of Dixville Notch;
And, under cover of hot aiir,
Disintegrate your clams with care
And drop the messy little chaps
Discreetly in your neighbour's laps,
Or underrneath your plate secrete 'em --
In fact, do anything but eat 'em.
