[3722] in Humor
for baseball fans out there
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Reign in Blood)
Thu Aug 29 02:17:02 2002
Message-Id: <200208290615.CAA20617@nerd-xing.mit.edu>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2002 02:15:47 -0400
From: Reign in Blood <descentr@MIT.EDU>
shit sorry for the crappy ">"edit job
--
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity.
We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate
scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and
a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now,
we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.
> > Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are
living
at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary level.
And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their
life-giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming strike situation. But you can help!
> > For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost
of
a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain
economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start,
and
every little bit will help!
> > Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball
player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in
Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing
more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, two unemployment checks, or
a month of medical insurance with COBRA, but to a baseball player, $700 will
partially replace his daily salary.
> > Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari,
or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
> > HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
> > Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for
a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your
refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
> > HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
> > Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants
to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will
be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
> > YES, I WANT TO HELP!
> > I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked
below:
> > [ ] Infielder
> > [ ] Outfielder
> > [ ] Starting Pitcher
> > [ ] Ace Pitcher
> > [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
> > [ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)
> > Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for
the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have
sponsored, along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement and my very
own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat (include
$80
for hat).
> > Your Name: _______________________
> > Telephone Number: ____________________
> > Account Number: _____________________
> > Exp.Date:_______
> > [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
> > Signature: _______________________
> > Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
> > Account Number: _____________________Exp.Date:_______
> > [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
> > Signature: _______________________
> > Mail completed form to MLB Players Union or call 1-900-F**K-THE-FANS now
to enroll by phone ($10 per minute).
> > Disclaimer: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited
to,
telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Contributions are not
tax-deductible.
> > If you want to unsubscribe, just click the following link: remove me
> >
> >
