[3714] in Humor
Hebonics - a new language
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jonathan Reed)
Mon Aug 19 15:17:36 2002
Mime-Version: 1.0
Message-Id: <p05010409b986f3a9e994@[18.152.1.192]>
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 15:16:29 -0400
To: humor@mit.edu
From: Jonathan Reed <jdreed@MIT.EDU>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" ; format="flowed"
Forwarded to me by a relative - original source unknown.
> ------------------------
>
> The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English -
>now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language. Backers of the move say the
>city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a
>valid language and significant attribute of New York culture.
>
> According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York
>University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of
>Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as
>well as Yiddish.
>
> Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is
>usually another question plus a complaint that is implied or stated.
>
> Thus:
>
> "How are you?" may be answered, "How should I be, with my feet?"
>
> Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing
>sarcasm or skepticism.
>
> An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning:
>
> "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?"
>
> Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end,
>with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."
>
> Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the
>sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as:
>
> "He's slow as a turtle," could be:
> "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."
>
> Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook,
>Switched-On-Hebonics.
>
> Question: "What time is it?"
> English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
> Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"
>
> Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
> English response: "Thanks."
> Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"
>
> Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready."
> English response: "Be right there."
> Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry'
>business? Is there a fire?"
>
> Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."
> English response: "Glad you like it."
> Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I
>gave you?
>
> Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
> English response: "Congratulations!"
> Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."
>
> Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
> English answer: "Just say when."
> Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"
>
> To guest of honor at his birthday party:
> English remark: "Happy birthday."
> Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."
>
> Remark: "A beautiful day."
> English response: "Sure is."
> Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"
>
> Answering a phone call from son:
> English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."
> Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"
>
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jonathan Reed '02
121 Richdale Ave #2
Cambridge, MA 02140
jdreed@mit.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
