[360] in Humor
HUMOR: Recent Short Stuff
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Jul 14 14:42:30 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 14 Jul 94 14:30:00 EDT
Date: Wed, 13 Jul 94 12:22:33 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
A judge admonished the police in Radnor, Pa., for pretending a Xerox
copy machine was a lie detector. Officials had placed a metal colander
on the head of a suspect and attached the colander to the copier with
metal wires. In the copy machine was a typewritten message: "He's lying."
Each time investigators received answers they didn't like, they pushed
the copy button and out popped the message, "He's lying." Apparently
convinced the machine was accurate, the suspect confessed.
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From: Timothy.Cramer@Eng.Sun.COM (Timothy Cramer)
>From shard@media.mit.edu Thu Jun 30 12:20 PDT 1994
Subject: Ringo: A Music Recommendation Service
Introducing.. RINGO, a personal music recommendation service, being
created at the MIT Media Lab. You tell Ringo what kinds of music
groups you like. Then, you can query Ringo and ask for recommendations
for artists you should check out, or should avoid. Or you can find out
how mainstream your tastes are. Or retrieve other information, like
reviews and top 20 charts.
HOW RINGO WORKS: How does it work? Well, how do you do it
ordinarily? You listen to songs that some D.J. plays, or you hear
about stuff from your friends who have tastes similar to your own.
That's how Ringo does it. People all over the internet tell Ringo
about their listening tastes. It then finds people who are similar in
their tastes to you. If they really like some artists that you haven't
heard yet, Ringo will recommend them to you.
HOW TO USE RINGO: Send an e-mail to ringo@media.mit.edu, with only
the word 'join' in the body. It will then send you a list of 125
artists. You rate the artists that you are familiar with. Send it
back. You will then receive a 'help' file describing how to use all
the features of Ringo.
The more users that use Ringo, the better Ringo's predictions. So
tell a friend.
Thanks,
Upendra
- ---------------------------------
Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in
the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM -
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule
the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up
when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the
stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who
understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation
is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say
as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.
- ---------------------------------
One day, some mice died and went to heaven. They were met at the pearly
gates by St. Peter, who showed them to their spot, and said he'd be back
to check on them later. The next day, he was back, and asked the mice how
they were doing. "Great," they said, "but heaven is such a big place,
we're having problems getting around on our little legs." St. Peter
procured some roller skates, which seemed to solve the problem.
Well, the next day, some cats got to heaven, and they too were shown to
their place. St. Peter came by the next day to check on them: "How do you
like heaven?" Replied the cats, "Heaven's great -- we especially like the
meals on wheels!"
- ---------------------------------
From: rocky@cadence.com (Rochelle Grober)
...
>From wombat@kilimanjaro.engr.sgi.com Thu Jun 23 11:03:37 1994
~Date: Tue, 21 Jun 1994 17:35:06 -0400
~Subject: Surprise witness
In London, a murder trial is being appealed because three members of
the jury used a Ouija Board to contact the murder victim for advice.
- ---------------------------------
From: rocky@cadence.com (Rochelle Grober)
...
From: cmaeda@cs.washington.edu
Subject: FUN: net haiku
bits on the wire
protocols are well understood
where did my mail go
- ---------------------------------
From: Karin Neuhold <neuhold@dke.univie.ac.at>
From: Evelyne Pichler <pichler@edvvie.edvg.co.at>
>From Seventeen Party Book, copyright 1956, in a section suggesting
the use of outdoor lighting at a lawn party.
"We hope you have an electrically minded brother or a
handy-man type pal around - unless you're the kind of
girl who understands extension cords and can rig the lights
up yourself."
extension cords and lights must have been a real mental
challenge in the 50s. :-)
- ---------------------------------
From kathode@grace.rt.cs.boeing.com
>From monaghan@cac.washington.edu
Subject: FUN FAX
FOR COMPUTER ILLITERATES ONLY
There's now a service for executives who receive e-mail but can't
deal with computers. A New Jersey-based telephone company automatically
faxes e-mail messages to subscribers, allowing them to read their mail "the
old-fashioned way -- on paper." (St. Petersburg Times 5/8/94 H8)
