[3448] in Humor
Public Service Announcement
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Ajai K Bharadwaj)
Mon Apr 23 03:53:26 2001
Message-Id: <200104230753.DAA22481@melbourne-city-street.mit.edu>
Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2001 03:50:09 -0400
To: humor@mit.edu
From: Ajai K Bharadwaj <ajai@MIT.EDU>
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<font face="Comic Sans MS">This is for all of my "Bleeding
Heart" friends who forward these types of emails. I really hope you
read this and are convinced. I for one can not believe all of these email
"hoaxes". Especially after receiving an email about a little
girl who was kidnapped by her grandmother and the email requested that
people with any information call a number listed on the email. Being
that, at the time I was working for a Child Protection Ageny, I decided
to call the number (on a hunch). I found out that the number I called was
an actual police dispatch number in Milwalkee. The woman explained that
the email has interrupted emergency calls because dispatchers were having
to respond to calls regarding the FALSE email. Many emergencies were not
tended to in a timely manner. The dispatch center had to eventually
change its number, costing them a sum of money to publish the new number.
<br>
So please, take the time to be wise and descreet about these silly
emails. Believe me if someone is dying of cancer or their child is
kidnapped or AOL is giving away free money...It WILL be on the 5 o'clock
news and not only in a forwarded email. Many of these emails have
viruses, if you downlaod them. Anyway...read on and please...STAY
INFORMED!!!<br>
<br>
Public Service Announcement <br>
Whoever decided to create this note and forward it on should receive some
<br>
type of humanitarian award. It says it all! <br>
<br>
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letters and there are no
<br>
computer programs that track how many times an e-mail is forwarded, let
<br>
alone by whom. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not
giving <br>
you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class action
checks. <br>
<br>
2. Proctor and Gamble is not part of a satanic cult or scheme, and its
<br>
logo is not satanic. <br>
<br>
3. MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward something to the
most people. <br>
<br>
4. The Gap is not giving away free clothes. You can relax; there is no
need to pass it on "just in case it's true." <br>
<br>
5. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. Or Chicago. Or anywhere
else in the world. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if
a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are bent
on believing the kidney theft ring stories, see:
</font><a href="http://www.urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm" eudora="autourl"><font color="#0000FF"><u>http://www.urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm</a></font></u><font color="#000000">
And I quote: <br>
"The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for
actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their
stories." None have. That's "none" as in "zero."
Not even your friend's cousin. <br>
<br>
6. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if
they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at:
</font><a href="http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html" eudora="autourl"><font color="#0000FF"><u>http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html</a></font></u><font color="#000000">
Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel
free to pass the recipe on. <br>
<br>
7. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went
to <br>
particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this
information <br>
would reach the public via an AOL chain letter? <br>
<br>
8. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never,
ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you
first confirm that an actual site of an actual company that actually
deals with viruses. Try:
</font><a href="http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html" eudora="autourl"><font color="#0000FF"><u>http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html</a></font></u><font color="#000000">
And even then, > &g! t; don't forward it. We don't care. And you
cannot get a virus from a flashing IM or email, you have to download
it....ya know, like, a FILE! <br>
<br>
9. There is no gang initiation plot to murder any motorist who flashes
headlights at another car driving at night without lights. <br>
<br>
10. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message
from a <br>
friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers
showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. (Think
Cut and Paste) It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the
">.." that begin each line either. Besides, if it has gone
around that many times we've probably already seen it. <br>
<br>
11. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in England is not
dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to
stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is no longer a
"little boy" either. <br>
<br>
12. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization doing
fine work, but they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in
response to the large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and
reputation. It is distracting them from the important work they do. Also,
the American Cancer Society does not give 3 cents for each person you
forward e-mail to. They ask for you to donate money, money, they don't
give it, as if they could know how many e-mails you sent out...sheesh.
<br>
<br>
13. If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forward anything that
"promises" something bad will happen if you "don't"
-- then something bad will happen to you if I ever meet you in a dark
alley! <br>
<br>
14. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, but forwarding an e-mail
won't help their cause in the least. If you want to help, contact your
local Legislative Representative, or get in touch with Amnesty
International or the Red Cross. <br>
<br>
15. As a general rule, e-mail "signatures" are easily faked and
mean nothing to anyone with any power to do anything about whatever the
competition is complaining about<br>
<br>
16. KFC really does use real Chickens with feathers and beaks and feet.
No, they really do. Why did they change their name? In this health
conscious world, what was KFC's name? Kentucky FRIED Chicken. FRIED is
not healthy. So with the help of a focus group, they changed the name to
KFC. It's short, doesn't offend dieters and it's easy to remember. <br>
<br>
17. Another thing, just because someone said in a message, four
generations <br>
back, that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not
actually make it true. <br>
<br>
PS: There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long
distance companies to charge you for using the Internet, or for the Post
Office to charge as well. Bottom Line...composing e-mail or posting
something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls of a public rest
room. Don't automatically believe it until it's proven false...ASSUME
it's false, unless there is proof that it's true. Now copy, paste, and
send this to everyone you know or the program I just inserted while you
were reading this e-mail will open up your CD-ROM and reach out and slap
you upside the head, after erasing everything on your hard
drive...</font></html>
