[3385] in Humor
Al Gore's concession speech
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Martha H Greenberg)
Wed Dec 20 09:58:29 2000
Message-Id: <200012201446.JAA19457@small-gods.mit.edu>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 20 Dec 2000 09:46:53 -0500
From: Martha H Greenberg <marthag@MIT.EDU>
------- Forwarded Message
Al Gore Concession Speech, 1st Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight we come to the end of a long
road and the start of a new one. Having exhausted all avenues of appeal
in the U.S. and Florida, my legal team has filed a claim in the
International Court of Justice seeking to overturn the Florida election
Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 2nd Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight, in the spirit of national
unity and despite being the undisputed winner of the popular vote crumple
crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 3rd Draft
Good evening, everyone. Many of you no doubt know what it feels like to
get royally shafted. Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 4th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Although it is the opinion of my
attorneys and myself that I do not fit the legal definition of a "loser"
crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 5th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Approximately 12 million light years
ago, when I was first dispatched to your planet from Zolloid 9 crumple
crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 6th Draft
My fellow Americans: I can't do this. I just can't do this. Crumple
crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 7th Draft
Hello, my fellow Americans. It's been a long and difficult month for me
and, indeed, for the entire nation. But the time has come for us all to
throw our enthusiastic support behind our next president, George W. Bu,
BbbBahoo. (laugh) Pardon me. Let me try that again: President
George W. Buh, Buh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PEOPLE! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO
PUNCH OUT A FREAKING CARDBOARD HOLE IN A BALLOT! MORONS! Crumple
crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 8th Draft
My fellow Americans, in light of recent unfavorable court decisions, it
has come to my understanding that a majority of you want to turn the
country over to a recovering alcoholic and functional
illiterate. Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 9th Draft (folksy approach)
Good evening, my fellow Americans. You know, when I was young boy
frolicking on the zero-gravity ash fields of Zolloid 9, it never
occurred to me when I downloaded the human emotion coding
sequences. Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 10th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Have you ever known someone who took
something from a store without paying for it? That's called "stealing",
and in America stealing is a crime. Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 11th Draft
My fellow Americans, most of you probably know how to
count. One. Two. Three. And so on. See? It's not that
difficult. (Smile). So can someone please explain to me why the state
of Florida. . . . Crumple crumple crumple
Al Gore Concession Speech, 12 Draft
Good evening, everyone. Generally speaking, civil war is never a good
thing. But there are times. . . . Ah, forget it.
------- End of Forwarded Message
