[3340] in Humor
The struggle between good and evil
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Matthew W Schiller)
Sat Oct 14 20:56:59 2000
Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 20:54:58 -0400 (EDT)
From: Matthew W Schiller <matt2002@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@mit.edu
>
> In the Beginning, God created the heavens and the
> Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and
> darkness was upon the face of the deep.
> And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
> And God said, "Let there be light," and there was
> light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass,
> the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding
> fruit," and God saw that it was good.
> And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
> And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our
> likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of
> the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the
> cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every
> creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth."
> And so God created Man in his own image; male and
> female created he them. And God looked upon Man and
> Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
> And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this
> game."
> And God populated the earth with broccoli and
> cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables
> of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
> healthy lives.
> And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought
> forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
> And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
> And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5
> pounds.
> And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might
> keep her figure that man found so fair.
> And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5
> pounds.
> And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
> And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman
> gained 10 pounds.
> And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy
> vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
> And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it
> needed its own platter.
> And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
> through the roof.
> And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved
> to lose those extra pounds.
> And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control
> so Man would not have to toil to change channels
> between ESPN and ESPN2.
> And Man! gained another 20 pounds.
> And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
> And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable
> naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
> And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
> starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And
> he created sour cream dip also.
> And Man clutched his remote control and ate the
> potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw
> and said, "It is good."
> And Man went into cardiac arrest.
> And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
> And Satan created HMO's.
