[3209] in Humor
A Few Thoughts
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Brian T Sniffen)
Thu May 11 12:52:16 2000
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Brian T Sniffen <brians@MIT.EDU>
Date: 11 May 2000 12:51:55 -0400
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station...
GO FIGURE!
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,
would they call it Fed UP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead."
Do Lipton employees take
coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on
the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put
pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to
read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older,
then it dawned on me . . .
they were cramming for their finals.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what
Chinese mothers use.
Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What are we supposed to do. . .
write to these men?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen could look for
them while they delivered the mail?
How much deeper would oceans be if
sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods
and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?
Go ahead and take risks...
just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
If you can't be kind, at least have the
decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
how long I'd be gone.
I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour
before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place.
The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to
have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound,
is that why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today, and it's supposed
to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings,
do Asians throw hamburgers?
