[316] in Humor
article
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jefreypu@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jun 13 14:08:43 1994
Resent-From: jefreypu@MIT.EDU
To: jefreypu@MIT.EDU
Resent-To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 94 14:04:39 EDT
From: jefreypu@MIT.EDU
MOSCOW --
Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for
the bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded
in the middle of a championship game!
No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but four players and
three officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess
Championships were sprayed with blood and brain matter when
Nikolai Titov's head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered
from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis or HCE.
"He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the
board," says Titov's opponent, Vladimir Dobrynin. "All of a
sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain.
Everyone looked up from their games, startled by the noise.
Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, his head
popped like a firecracker."
Incredibly, Titiov's is not the first case in which a person's
head has spontaneously exploded. Five people are known to have
died of HCE in the last 25 years. The most recent death occurred
just three years ago in 1991, when European psychic Barbara
Nicole's skull burst. Miss Nicole's story was reported by
newspapers worldwide, including WWN. "HCE is an extremely
rare physical imbalance," said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, famed
neurologist and expert on the human brain who did the autopsy on
the brilliant chess expert. "It is a condition in which the
circuits of the brain become overloaded by the body's own
electricity. The explosions happen during periods of intense
mental activity when lots of current is surging through the
brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers
of concentration. Both Miss Nicole and Mr. Titov were intense
people who tended to keep those cerebral circuits overloaded. In
a way it could be said they were literally too smart for their
own good."
Although Dr. Martinenko says there are probably many undiagnosed
cases, he hastens to add that very few people will die from HCE.
"Most people who have it will never know. At this point, medical
science still doesn't know much about HCE. And since fatalities
are so rare it will probably be years before research money
becomes available." In the meantime, the doctor urges people to
take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time.
"Take frequent relaxation breaks when you're doing things that
take lots of mental focus," he recommends.
(As a public service, WWN added a sidebar titled HOW TO TELL IF
YOUR HEAD'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP:)
Although HCE is very rare, it can kill. Dr. Martinenko says
knowing you have the condition can greatly improve your odds of
surviving it. A "yes" answer to any three of the following seven
questions could mean that you have HCE:
1. Does your head sometimes ache when you think too hard? (Head
pain can indicate overloaded brain circuits.)
2. Do you ever hear a faint ringing or humming sound in your
ears? (It could be the sound of electricity in the skull cavity.)
3. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to get a thought out of
your head? (This is a possible sign of too much electrical
activity in the cerebral cortex.)
4. Do you spend more than five hours a day reading, balancing
your checkbook, or other thoughtful activity? (A common symptom
of HCE is a tendency to over-use the brain.)
5. When you get angry or frustrated do you feel pressure in your
temples? (Friends of people who died of HCE say the victims often
complained of head pressure in times of strong emotion.)
6. Do you ever overeat on ice cream, doughnuts and other sweets?
(A craving for sugar is typical of people with too much
electrical pressure in the cranium.)
7. Do you tend to analyze yourself too much? (HCE sufferers are
often introspective, "over-thinking" their lives.)"
Some Drs. ought to think seriously about putting in proposals.
