[3144] in Humor
Fwd: Fw: oil change
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Beth Dubeck)
Thu Mar 23 12:44:50 2000
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2000 12:36:39 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, jbenincasa@sprynet.com, CCaaders@aol.com, cmccall@bu.edu,
David.T.McCall.9@nd.edu, oymrome@dreamscape.com, pbdubeck@CYBERNEX.NET,
fdubeck@borg.com, mkmccall@aol.com, t99cat@aol.com, juniper267@aol.com,
Centra@moa.bc.edu, ariels@MIT.EDU, ruadh@MIT.EDU, paulhanley@juno.com,
x0tkenn@vm.stlawu.edu, <tcvanesi@yahoo.com>
From: Beth Dubeck <bdubeck@MIT.EDU>
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>From: "Jenni Conning" <tuba_on_skis@hotmail.com>
>To: bdubeck@MIT.EDU, cfoss@gonzaga.edu, black_cat21@hotmail.com,
> dhg7@cornell.edu, dkiren@hotmail.com, j_gauer@hotmail.com,
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> WYSESR@muohio.edu, vitalykushnir@yahoo.com, zsingson@rice.edu
>Subject: Fwd: Fw: oil change
>Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 17:46:10 MST
>
>
>
>
> >
> >> > > > > Oil Changing Instructions:
> >> > >
> >> > > Women:
> >> > > ~~
> >> > > 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
>last oil change.
> >> > > 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
> >> > > 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
>maintained vehicle.
> >> > >
> >> > > Men:
> >> > > ~~
> >> > > 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for
>oil,
> >> > filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented
>tree.
> >> > > 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
>back to
> >> > O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> >> > > 3. Open a beer and drink it.
> >> > > 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >> > > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >> > > 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >> > > 7. Place drain pan under engine.
> >> > > 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >> > > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> >> > > 10. Unscrew drain plug.
> >> > > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in
>process.
> >> > > 12. Clean up.
> >> > > 13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
> >> > > 14. Look for oil filter wrench.
> >> > > 15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
>off.
> >> > > 16. Beer.
> >> > > 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change
>tomorrow.
> >> > > 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> >> > > 19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step
>18. > > > 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> >> > > 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> >> > > 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean
>oil to gasket first.
> >> > > 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >> > > 24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >> > > 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >> > > 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
>drains onto floor.
> >> > > 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
> >> > > 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
> >> > > 29. Begin cussing fit.
> >> > > 30. Throw wrench.
> >> > > 31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
>December(1992)
> >> > in the left boob.
> >> > > 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
> >> > > 33. Beer.
> >> > > 34. Beer.
> >> > > 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
> >> > > 36. Beer.
> >> > > 37. Lower car from jack stands
> >> > > 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
> >> > > 39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to
>fresh oil
> >> > spilled during step 23.
> >> > > 40. Drive car
>
>
>
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