[3118] in Humor
HUMOR: Mind Reading Markup Language (MRML)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jonathon Weiss)
Fri Mar 3 13:05:12 2000
From: Jonathon Weiss <jweiss@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000 10:38:33 -0500
From: Amy Beverley Chan & Jeremy David Weiss <slinkie@weissjd.erols.com>
( from http://www.oxy.edu/~ashes/mrml.html )
A Guide to MRML
The Mind Reading Markup Language (MRML /mur'mul/) is a proprietary
extension of the HyperText Markup Language.
This document, all MRML tags, and any ideas you come up with while reading
this information are the exclusive property of
the authors. This is an open specification that will be expanded as mind
control technology is refined.
MRML tags can be embedded into any regular HTML document. They are
completely invisible to all browsers. No one will
ever know you are using them.
NOTE: MRML is not case sensitive. <freud> is equivalent to <FREUD> or
<frEUd>.
Basic Markup Tags
The following MRML tags are used to read the client's mind for certain
kinds of thoughts and emotions about the contained
text.
<BRAINSCAN>
Brainscan performs a light scan of the client's thoughts which may
include perceptions of their current environment.
The Brainscan tag is an invaluable tool for establishing a user's
identity as it is much more reliable than checking
REMOTE_HOST or USER_ID variables.
<THOUGHTSUCK>
Thoughtsuck performs of deeper scan of the client's thoughts which
may included details of significant events within the
past 24 hours.
<DEEPFEARS>subject</DEEPFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their fears about the contained subject.
<DEEPERFEARS>subject</DEEPERFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their deeper, more repressed fears about
the contained subject.
<DEEPESTFEARS>subject</DEEPESTFEARS>
Probes the client's mind for their deepest, most repressed fears
about the contained subject. WARNING: This tag
cannot be exported outside the US borders.
<SEXTHOUGHTS>subject</SEXTHOUGHTS>
Probes the client's mind for sexual thoughts about the contained
subject. Use of the Sexthoughts tag will likely be
depreciated with the release of the Freud and Jung specifications.
Freud and Jung Tags
Specifications for Freudian id, ego, and superego tags and Jungian
symbolic tags are not currently available.
The HYPNOTIZE Tag
Current technology enables very primitive mind control using MRML tags.
The so-called Brainwashing tags are delimited by
the the special <!--HYPNOTIZE><HYPNOTIZE--> pair. Suggestions within the
Hypnotize area are completely invisible to
all clients, but it is extremely important that the tags are placed
correctly. You are liable for any mental damages inflicted by
improperly placed tags.
HYPNOTIZE Area Tags
Within the <!--HYPNOTIZE></HYPNOTIZE--> area the following tags may be
used:
<SUGGEST>text</SUGGEST>
Used for mild, easily acceptable suggestions. For stronger
suggestions use PROGRAM and BELIEVE.
Some examples:
It is warm for this time of year.
You need to upgrade your computer.
Republican policies aren't all that bad.
<MEME>text</MEME>
Information that you want the client to pass on to friends and
correspondents.
Some popular memes:
Chain letters
Urban legends
Cool ascii graphics
<FORGET>text</FORGET>
Things you want the client to forget. It may be desirable to have the
client forget the URL of your MRML documents.
<PROGRAM>text</PROGRAM>
Programs the client with a strong post-hypnotic suggestion. There are
a few optional arguments.
<PROGRAM TIMES=3 INTERVAL="1 hour" DELAY="2 days"> will trigger
the suggestions three times at a
one hour interval two days hence.
<PROGRAM INTERVAL="after every meal" FOREVER> could trigger the
suggestion brush your teeth for
an indefinite time.
Within the <PROGRAM></PROGRAM> area the following tags may be used:
<BELIEVE>text</BELIEVE>
Explicit thoughts to be planted in the client's mind. Beware of
contradictory programming! Try to remove previous
conceptions before reprogramming.
To reprogram someone that thinks that Pepsi is better than Coke:
1.<BELIEVE>You have no opinions about the relationship between
Coke and Pepsi.</BELIEVE>
2.<BELIEVE>Coke is better than Pepsi.</BELIEVE>
3.<BELIEVE>You are thirsty.</BELIEVE>
<BUY HREF=url>
Encourages the client to buy products on the World Wide Web. The
optional ITEM=item argument may be used.
<PASSWORD=keyword or phrase>
A convenient way to access the client's mind for future programming
sessions. Should only be used with a secure
client-server connection.
Clarification: The BLINK Tag
The <BLINK> tag used in many popular browsers is not a MRML specified tag.
Running Your Own MRML Server
The software needed to run a MRML-oriented server is freely available to
all persons and institutions. To obtain a copy of
the server software a representative for you or your company must attend a
special 3-day training session where they will be
given the MRML software package. These training sessions are currently
being held twice a month at an undisclosed
location; requests for private training sessions will be considered.
Ideas by Michael O'Neal-Petterson and Brandon J. Rickman
html by Brandon J. Rickman ashes@oxy.edu
