[3103] in Humor
HUMOR: THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Feb 22 12:33:16 2000
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 12:30:13 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
kris@speechcode.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU,
mtsai@bqa.com, immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com,
tlawlor@palmerdodge.com, paul.n.leblanc@ae.ge.com,
bmendell@mediaone.net, nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wthtx@aol.com
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 06:49:11 -0600
>Subject: DAILY DOSE! 2/22/00 - THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR
>From: The DAILY DOSE! <dosemaster@thedailydose.com>
>
>THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR
>
>When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment
>to write an essay on "something I am thankful for". Then I'd spend a lot of
>time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that
>could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of
>from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my
>priorities have clearly changed:
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most
>powerful free democracy in the world.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving
>valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes --
>which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back
>seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the
>freeway.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will
>preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son
>wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the
>size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese --
>without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal
>and their own spit.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college
>education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being
>interrupted.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicince and natural herbs.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to
>"cause drowsiness" in young children.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught,
>encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who
>let me strip down to pantyhouse and a strategically placed scarf before
>getting on the scale each week.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic
>foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new
>culture.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the
>driveway to get the mail.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my
>loved ones.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.
>
>BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture,
>a nice car and trendy clothes.
>AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good
>shoes.
>
>
>Source: Lori
>************************************************************
>
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Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
