[307] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW May 20
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Jun 3 14:26:53 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 03 Jun 94 14:19:29 EDT
Date: Fri, 3 Jun 1994 18:09:30 -0600
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
From: dave-barry@marble.com (Keith Bostic)
WEIRDNUZ.328 (News of the Weird, May 20, 1994)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In Indiana over a six-week period in March and April, four men were
involved in public incidents while naked. A nude man set a fire in a
Michigan City, Ind., outlet store; a man pumped gasoline while nude at
a Lebanon, Ind., station; a nude man claiming to be a pizza deliverer
roamed an Indianapolis apartment complex (injuring his groin while
fleeing as he unsuccessfully attempted to leap a fence); and a man left
nude photos of himself in a Sullivan, Ind., state park men's room. All
but the gasoline pumper were apprehended. [Toledo Blade, 3-30-94;
4-2-94; 4-22-94; 3-4-94]
New Rights
* A recent semi-official student pamphlet of George Mason University in
Fairfax, Va., explained that freedom from discrimination includes gays'
and lesbians' right not to be stood too far away from during
conversations with straights, and minority students' right not to have
white students act surprised when a minority student performs a task
well. [Roanoke Times & World News-AP, Dec93]
* The Toronto Transit Commission voted in February to reinstate a
33-year-old man who had been fired because he took time off from a
rail-repairing job in the middle of the day to go have sex with a
prostitute in a nearby alley. [Sault Star-CP, 2-16-94]
* The Los Angeles Daily News reported in April that the city's
Department of Building and Safety had ordered an adult nightclub to
remove its stage, which was built as a large shower, where nude dancers
would cavort for customers' enjoyment. Authorities said the shower was
not wheelchair-accessible for disabled nude dancers, although no such
dancers have come forward. [Washington Times-L. A. Daily News, 4-22-94]
* The Wall Street Journal reported in April on a potential legal defense
being considered by some well-to-do professionals who fail to file
income tax returns. Such nonfilers should be excused because they
suffer from an anxiety syndrome characterized by "an overall inability
to act in [their] own interest," according to a recent New York Law
Journal article. Victims are "highly ambitious, hypercritical, detail-
oriented people," according to a psychiatry professor, and thus cannot
relax, don't know how to delegate, and tend to procrastinate and become
secretive. [Wall Street Journal, 4-18-94]
* The Washington Post reported in March that several employees of the
Office of Thrift Supervision, which regulates the savings & loan
industry, have threatened to sue the agency if they are disciplined for
playing "fantasy sports" leagues (such as Rotisserie baseball) during
working hours. Said one, if every such player at OTS were were
disciplined, it would "clean out the agency." [Washington Post, 3-8-94]
Just Can't Stop Myself
* In September, St. Paul, Minn., police stopped Jimmy Monk, 39, and
confiscated from his car's roof a 20-foot ladder, which had been
reported missing. At the time, he was awaiting sentencing on two other
ladder thefts and was a suspect in a rash of about two dozen others.
Said a police sergeant, "He just can't seem to walk past [a ladder]
without taking it." [St. Paul Pioneer-Press, 9-18-93]
* In July, Susumu Suzuki, 45, was arrested in Takasaki, Japan, and
charged with having made approximately 8,500 phone calls to city
hall--as many as several hundred a day--and then hanging up without
speaking. He cited as his motive a 20-year-old snub by city hall when
he applied for a job after graduating from college. And in September,
Mikiko Miyamoto, 43, was charged with having made as many as 100 similar
phone calls a day for 12 years to a female acquaintance in Tokyo. [[The
Daily Yomiuri, 7-13-93]] [Reuters wirecopy, 9-30-93]
* In Cincinnati in January, Thomas David West was back in court on
charges that he violated his probation by resuming his practice of
impersonating doctors and lawyers. He was released from prison in June,
where he had served time for impersonating a doctor, among other
identities, and was charged this time with posing as a lawyer for a
Cincinnati firm. When he took the witness stand at the probation
hearing, he said his current employment was as chief fundraiser of a
Kentucky state-funded project, but officials said there was no such
person. [Cincinnati Enquirer, 1-19-94]
* In April in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty
to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000.
In January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more
than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were
awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so
many violations, Prendergast, who was described as "affable" by a Cedar
Rapids Gazette reporter, said "I don't know." [Cedar Rapids Gazette,
Jan94, 4-9-94]
* In February Vincent Corda, 64, was taken into custody at the
Stratford, Conn., police station after refusing to heed numerous demands
that he stop taking photographs of police officers and leave. He had
been there previously, taking officers' photographs, and the department
had secured a restraining order to keep him away. [New Haven Register,
2-19-94]
Most Dysfunctional Family
* In April, a jury in Canton, Ohio, convicted Estella Sexton, 47, of
sexually abusing her 13-year-old daughter, one of her 11 children.
According to the girls's brother, their father Eddie Sexton, who is now
in jail in Florida, conducted satanic seances featuring cat carcasses
and the spirits of dead relatives. Another daughter, Pixie Sexton-Good,
recently pleaded guilty in Florida in the death of her infant son and
agreed to testify against her father and another brother who will soon
stand trial for the death of Pixie's husband, Joel Good. Furthermore,
according to other siblings, the dead infant was fathered by Eddie
Sexton, but Eddie said one of the brothers did it. [Columbus
Dispatch-AP, 4-6-94; Canton Repository, 4-13-94, 4-15-94, 4-19-94]
Least Competent People
* In two April incidents, Rogelio Aparicio, 46, in Manila, and an
unidentified man on the steps of the main police station in Durham, N.
C., each pulled out guns and fired two shots at his own head, in
apparent suicide attempts, missing each time. [[St. Johnsbury
Caledonian-Record, Apr94]] [Greensboro News & Record, Apr94]
* The "Director's Message" column of the March newsletter of the Florida
chapter of Rev. Donald Wildmon's American Family Association referred
14 times to an inside group of "journalists, reporters, and media
mongers" by the term clique, which was misspelled each time as "click."
[Folio Weekly, 3-29-94]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
