[2951] in Humor
Life on a planet ruled by beavers
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Susan)
Sun Sep 26 09:59:24 1999
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1999 09:59:00 -0400
From: Susan <seborn@MIT.EDU>
} -- Public works (bridges, roads, and esp dams) take maximum priority.
} -- Tail-piercings become the fashion statement of disaffected teens.
} -- All medical insurance is required by law to cover orthodontia.
} -- Polticians aren't speaking metaphorically when they say they've got
} a new plank in their platform.
} -- State fairs don't serve "pickle on a stick" or "hot dog on a stick";
} instead, they start serving "stick."
} -- All housing is lakeshore property.
} -- The nefarious "woodchuck question" is viewed with bemused
} puzzlement, as everyone knows exactly how much wood a woodchuck would
} chuck.
} -- Caber tossing is imported from Earth and becomes the national
} pasttime...with an added twist: competitors must fell their own
} cabers.
} -- Flooding is viewed as creating additional housing opportunities.
} -- Nobody is impressed by the Hoover Dam.
} -- Animal-rights activists regularily protest "apehair hats" and demand
} that haberdashers start using their own pelts to make hats. This
} suggestion is met with disgust and amusement.
} -- Meanwhile, back on Earth, Fox Mulder discovers that the cherry trees
} in Washington, DC were actually cut down by alien tourists wanting
} souveniers. He never finds enough evidence to prove anything, but
} learns the whole story from a shadowy figure in an overcoat known
} only as "The Buck-Toothed Man."
