[2912] in Humor
HUMOR: Up in the Air
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Fri Aug 27 09:33:47 1999
Date: Fri, 27 Aug 1999 09:33:46 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, wheger@wbc-architects.com
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>Subject: Up in the Air
>Date: Fri, 27 Aug 1999 00:05:14 -0500
>
>
>
> The Original Joke of the Day http://www.joker.org
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
> Up in the Air
> -------------
>
> Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make
> the in-flight safety lecture and their other announcements
> a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that
> have been heard and/or reported:
>
>
> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
> only 4 ways out of this airplane."
>
>
> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
> National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
> "Whoa, big fellas. WHOA!"
>
> After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
> in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
> "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because,
> after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
>
> "Weather at our destinations is 50 degrees with some broken
> clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
> Thank you and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
> more than Southwest Airlines."
>
> "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event
> of an emergency water landing, please take them with our
> compliments."
>
> Once on a southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our
> cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.
> I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and
> visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."
>
> "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
> overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
> before assisting children or adults acting like children."
>
> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
> Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
> attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>
> "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>
> Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
> Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and
> said: "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking.
> I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, and it wasn't
> the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was
> the asphalt!"
>
> Another flight attendants comment on a less than perfect landing:
> "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
> us to the terminal."
>
> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant
> came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your
> seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft
> to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has
> cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and
> you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
>
> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
> "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,
> the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
> the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think
> of us here a US Airways."
>
> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
> to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
> Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
> The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!
> Let me be the kind of person my dog believes I am.
>
>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
