[290] in Humor
HUMOR: Senators Admit They're Aliens
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed May 25 12:15:38 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 25 May 94 12:06:09 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc:
> WASHINGTON (AP) -- A dozen U.S. senators have been ``exposed'' as
>space aliens, and many of them -- tongues firmly planted in cheeks --
>have admitted it.
> The news, such as it is, came from the June 7 edition of the
>``Weekly World News'' supermarket tabloid.
> ``It's all true,'' it quotes Sen. Phil Gramm, R-Texas, as
>saying. ``We are space aliens. I'm amazed that it's taken you so
>long to find out.''
> Others named as space aliens are: Sens. Dennis DeConcini,
>D-Ariz.; Jay Rockefeller, D-W.Va.; Bennett Johnston, D-La.; Howell
>Heflin, D-Ala.; Christopher Dodd, D-Conn.; William Cohen, R-Maine;
>John Glenn, D-Ohio; Orrin Hatch, R-Utah; Nancy Kassebaum, R-Kan.,
>Sam Nunn, D-Ga.; and Alan Simpson, R-Wyo.
> The final five ``came out of the alien closet two years ago,''
>the paper quotes author and UFO specialist Nathaniel Dean as
>saying.
> Gramm's press secretary, Larry Neal, confirmed Tuesday that his
>boss did verify his alien status.
> Asked where in the universe Gramm is from, Neal said, ``It's
>Remulak in our case. I don't know where the other guys are from.''
> Neal joked that it could cause problems for Gramm's presidential
>aspirations since U.S. presidents must be born U.S. citizens. After
>further research, however, he backtracked, saying Gramm's parents
>came from Remulak, but the senator was born on U.S. soil.
> Simpson spokesman Charles Pelkey remained mysterious about his
>boss' status.
> ``We've got only one thing to say: Klattu Barado Nikto,'' Pelkey
>said.
> That was an alien code from ``The Day The Earth Stood Still,'' a
>1951 science fiction movie about a robot-aided alien who lands in
>Washington and warns of the dangers of war.
> Director Robert Wise provided his best guess Tuesday of how to
>spell the words, adding, ``Don't ask me what it means, because I
>don't know.''
> DeConcini spokesman Bob Maynes confirmed that the senator issued
>a statement saying, ``As chairman of the Senate Intelligence
>Committee, I am quite distressed. My highly classified cover has
>been blown.''
> The newspaper was open about its intentions when it called
>senators' offices several months ago, Senate staffers said.
> ``They called us up and said, `This is real tongue in cheek and
>we're doing this for fun,'' said Heflin spokesman Tom McMahon.
