[2817] in Humor
Star Wars Episode 2 Pitches
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Patrick McCormick)
Thu May 13 23:13:25 1999
Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 23:12:29 -0400 (EDT)
From: Patrick McCormick <pmccormi@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
This is part of a lot of Star Wars humor at:
http://www.filmthreat.com/Dailies-Today.htm
which I've never seen before, including "10 Hottest Star Wars Chicks",
"Why Star Wars is Better than Titanic", and "50 Reasons Why Return of the
Jedi Sucks."
(please don't forward without the above URL.)
==========
STAR WARS EPISODE 2 PITCHES
In light of the problems with "The Phantom Menace", Film Threat has
encouraged a variety of current filmmakers to pitch their ideas for the
next prequel to George Lucas. Here are some of the responses we've
received:
Director: Kevin Smith
Title: "Chasing Amidala"
Pitch: Young adult Anakin Skywalker is infatuated with Queen Amidala. She
just wants to be friends, and doesn't really swing that way. Anakin
threatens friendship with wisecracking Obi-Wan Kenobi, who makes wry,
unnecessary comments about future films in series. Ends in threesome with
handmaiden Amidala and Queen decoy.
Director: Hal Needham
Title: "Sebulba and the Bandit"
Pitch: Jabba the Hutt pays Anakin Skywalker (Burt Reynolds) to smuggle a
load of spice across system lines. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Jerry Reed) pilots the
ship while Anakin pilots a decoy to attract the attention of local sheriff
Sebulba who still holds a grudge against Skywalker.
Director: Oliver Stone
Title: "Q.G.J."
Pitch: A young Jedi, working alone against the system, is determined to
find the truth behind death of Jedi master, Qui-Gon Jin. Does not believe
"single Sith theory". Was Darth Maul a patsy?
Director: The Coen Brothers
Title: "The Big Kenobi"
Pitch: Darth Maul mistakenly attacks Obi-Wan "The Dude" Kenobi (Jeff
Bridges) on Concorde Dawn. The Dude tracks down The big Kenobi to replace
soiled rug, only to be sent on rescue mission for Queen Amidala. The Dude
eventually becomes Boba Fett, the most feared bowler in the galaxy.
Director: The Farrelly Brothers
Title: "There's Something About Padme"
Pitch: Anakin Skywalker talks Kenobi into tracking down Amidala ten years
after "The Phantom Menace". Kenobi decides to keep foxy chick to himself,
starting battle with Skywalker than leads him to the Dark Side. We also
find what kind of hair gel is required for the Queen's elaborate
hairstyles.
Director: John Waters
Title: "John Water's Massive Manhood"
Pitch: After falling out, Anakin Skywalker (Crispin Glover) is determined
to prove that he's "the filthiest Jedi alive!" Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan
McGregor) displays his real light sabre as often as possible. Will only
cost $5000 and be shot in Water's backyard in Baltimore.
