[2775] in Humor
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Roxanne M Cartwright)
Fri Apr 16 00:34:25 1999
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 00:33:27 EDT
From: Roxanne M Cartwright <roxie@MIT.EDU>
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Date: Thu, 15 Apr 1999 23:34:31 -0400
To: sigmas-humor@mit.edu
From: Liz Rose <lizrose@MIT.EDU>
Subject: how to shower
>>How To Shower Like a Woman:
>>
>>1. Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you slept in because there was
>a
>>distinct chill in the air at bedtime due to the temperature having dropped
>>below 70 degrees.
>>
>>2. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long robe and a towel on your head.
>>If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh
>>immediately, ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bathroom.
>>
>>3. Turn on the hot water only and let run.
>>
>>4. Look at your womanly figure in the mirror and stick out your gut so that
>>you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
>>
>>5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam, and
>>adjust the water to a temperature slightly below it's boiling point.
>>
>>6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
>>pumice stone.
>>
>>7. Wash your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
>>
>>8. Rinse.
>>
>>9. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
>>vitamins.
>>
>>10. Rinse.
>>
>>11. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
>added
>>vitamins.
>>
>>12. Rinse.
>>
>>13. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with
>>natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
>>
>>14. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until
>>red raw.
>>
>>15. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
>>
>>16. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once
>>again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
>>
>>17. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes, as you
>>must make sure that it has all come off).
>>
>>18. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered,
>>and anyway, the hair helps keep you warm.
>>
>>19. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
>>
>>20. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you
>get
>>a rush of cold water.
>>
>>21. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
>>
>>22. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
>>
>>23. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see your
>>boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately,
>>ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bedroom.
>>
>>How To Shower Like a Man:
>>
>>1. If you wore clothes to bed last night, take them off while sitting on
>the
>>edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
>>
>>2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along
>>the way, flash her.
>>
>>3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if
>>you have pecs.
>>
>>4. Turn on the water.
>>
>>5. Check quickly for pecs again.
>>
>>6. Get in the shower.
>>
>>7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
>>
>>8. Wash your face.
>>
>>9. Wash your armpits.
>>
>>10. Wash your genitals and surrounding area.
>>
>>11. Wash your ass.
>>
>>12. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
>>
>>13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
>>
>>14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
>>
>>15. Pee
>>
>>16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
>>
>>17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel. If you pass your
>girlfriend/wife,
>>flash her.
>
>
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