[2705] in Humor
HUMOR: Feline Physics
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Wed Mar 10 14:26:54 1999
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 1999 14:22:35 EST
Feline Physics
1 - Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest,
unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat
food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless
there is a really good reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract
cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler
body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the
cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever
possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is
possible for the cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to
reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely
interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate,
until he gets good and ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when
anything good is served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat
state for very long.
11 - Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in
proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little
energy as possible.
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can
only be stored by a lot of napping.
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator
long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to
eat.
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket
and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and
usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room
must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
19 - Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk,
squared, just to show you he can.
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture
is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
21 - Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place
possible.
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace
her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in
inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying
to interest him.
24 - Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential
energy to reach escape velocity.
25 - Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter
+ It Doesn't Matter.
