[2662] in Humor
HUMOR: Teletubby goes ex-gay
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Me)
Sat Feb 13 00:07:05 1999
Date: Fri, 12 Feb 1999 23:47:03 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Me <jerrod@alum.mit.edu>
NEWS from Window Media
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - February 10, 1999
Contact: William Waybourn (202) 223-0554
CAN TELETUBBY BE SAVED FROM GAY "LIFESTYLE"?
Gay Media Company Offers an "Ex-Gay" Twist
WASHINGTON, DC - A chain of gay newspapers is offering Tinky Winky the
opportunity to become an "ex-gay," in a satirical response to Rev. Jerry
Falwell's warnings that the popular Teletubby may be gay. "We feel the
recent 'ex-gay' ads by the extreme Right are too focused on humans, and have
left out Teletubbies, cartoon characters, and action figures in offering
salvation," said William Waybourn, co-founder of Window Media, a company
that owns several gay community newspapers.
Ads appearing in next week's editions of the company's newspapers will
parody recent newspaper and television ads, created by conservatives, that
claimed gays and lesbians can convert to heterosexuality.
The parody ads will feature a fictional conservative organization imploring
Tinky Winky to "Put Down That Purse." The fictional organization offers
support to other characters as well, including: Bert and Ernie of PBS's
"Sesame Street," Smithers of Fox's "The Simpsons," Batman and Robin,
Peppermint Patty of "The Peanuts," Velma from "Scooby Doo," and Warner
Brothers' Elmer Fudd.
Falwell's newsletter, National Liberty Journal, warned in its February
edition that Tinky Winky, the purse-toting yet male-voiced Teletubby, may be
gay. In addition to the purse, Falwell's newsletter noted that ``He is
purple -- the gay-pride color." The article also warned that "his antenna
is shaped like a triangle -- the gay-pride symbol.''
Waybourn hopes his parody "ex-gay" ads deliver a reality check to the Right,
and lighten what he considers to be a "needlessly controversial subject."
"Tinky Winky was made that way - purple, happy, and toting a purse,"
Waybourn said. "He cannot be expected to change his color, and nor should
anyone else."
Last year, extreme conservative groups funded a series of ads claiming gays
and lesbians can somehow alter their sexual orientation. The ads were
condemned by psychiatrists as ignoring prevailing scientific research.
The parody "ex-gay" ads will appear in upcoming editions of Atlanta's
Southern Voice, the Houston Voice, New Orleans' Impact News, and the gay
entertainment guide Eclipse, which is distributed throughout the South.
Window Media, LLC, co-founded by Waybourn, owns the gay-themed weekly
publications.
AD COPY FOLLOWS:
If you love a Teletubby, tell him the truth.
Toward hope and healing for cartoon homosexuals.
Our organization ECODUS (Enforcing Cartoons or Drawings to Underscore
Straightness) has been working to save Tinky Winky from a gay lifestyle. And
we can be successful. *
Thousands of cartoon characters can be drawn away from homosexual identities
and lifestyles. Bert and Ernie have been urban "bachelors" for over 20
years. Smithers from The Simpsons can't seem to break his unnatural crush
on his boss, Mr. Burns. Velma from Scooby Doo is very masculine when
compared to her counterpart crime fighter, Daphne. GI Joe serves in silence
in the military under "Don't Ask. Don't Tell." Peppermint Patty allows her
relationship to go beyond a normal friendship by inviting Marcie to stay
over on occasion. Batman and Robin continue their farce of crime fighting,
while violating Gotham's sodomy laws. Bugs Bunny frequently dresses in
women's clothes, and repeatedly kisses Elmer Fudd, another longtime
"bachelor."
Through ECODUS, there is hope for all of your cartoon friends and loved
ones.
Change your color.
Homosexual recovery is a process that occurs over time. Changing Tinky
Winky's color from passionate purple to a nice country peach won't be easy.
It does not mean that his desires or proclivities will stop immediately. But
we'll force the color switch anyway.
Tinky Winky may still develop attractions towards Dipsy (the mischievous
green Teletubby). But if we are successful in removing the underlying
causes of such attractions, those feelings usually lessen in both frequency
and intensity. Tinky Winky may even marry Laa Laa or Po, and hopefully have
children.
Put down that purse.
If we can save Tinky Winky, we can help others, too. We have suggestions for
the show's producers to ensure normal gender roles. We are suggesting male
Teletubbies take up a masculine sport such as wrestling. The female
Teletubbies should answer to the males, and do more cleaning or cooking in
aprons.
Bend your antennae.
A recent resolution by the American Psychological Association condemning
"reparative therapy" for homosexuals may frighten Tinky Winky and other
characters from our advice. But we will force it on them anyway. Tinky
Winky can shed his triangular antennae and put in its place a shortened nub.
If a cartoon character you know or love is struggling with homosexuality,
show them this ad. If you truly love your cartoon characters, you'll tell
them the truth.
For information on contacting an ex-gay cartoon ministry in your area,
please consult your local Acme phonebook.
* As in previous conversions, none of the cases have been documented
scientifically. We just don't have the time.
+-----------------------------------------------+-----------------+
| Jerrod Wiesman | jerrod@alum.mit.edu | Don't get Even, |
| 283 Washington St | jerrod@arepa.com | Get Odd! |
| Cambridge, MA \_|_/ Diagonti the Fiery +-----------------+
| 617-864-GREY(4739) | http://web.mit.edu/jerrod/www/ |
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