[2655] in Humor
HUMOR: (TRUE STORY) how to deal with spam
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Riyaz B Bachani)
Mon Feb 8 10:42:53 1999
To: humor@MIT.EDU, dubba@MIT.EDU, turbulence@MIT.EDU, clique@mitvma.mit.edu
Cc: matha@foliage.com
Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 10:40:08 EST
From: Riyaz B Bachani <bachani@MIT.EDU>
Below is an email an MIT student sent out to protest some spamming he'd got....
and the reply that followed.
enjoy,
Riyaz
---***---***---MESSAGE FROM STUDENT
-----Original Message-----
Date: Tuesday, January 26, 1999 7:00 PM
Subject: Your e-mails to espeople
>Dear Madam,
>
> I write you this e-mail because you have unwittingly triggered a major
crisis in my life. Thankfully, it has very little to do with you - how could
it ? After all, I am sure that you are a very nice person. I am also sure
that the people that you publicy communicate with are also very nice
people - perfect gems, if you please. My only problem, and the root cause of
my misery, is that I DON'T KNOW who you people are, or what you are talking
about...
>
> Can you imagine how frustruating that must be ? Every day, I go out
andlive my mundane life as an MIT student. Occassionally, things of passing
interest happen- seasons change, a president gets impeached, the Patriots
move to Hartford. But for the most part, I live my life in stultifying
boredom; and that is something I could tolerate, were it not for one thing..
>
> Over the past few days, I have been recieving strange and unsettling
e-mail. They seem to be from real people, exciting people, who are out there
doing lots of real and exciting things. I want to learn more about these
people and the things that they care about - what is an "espeople" ? when do
they meet ? when ARE their dealines ? how do I contact them ? - these
questions shake my belief in the reality I percieve; and I wonder- Who are
these people who send me these e-mails ? Are they for real ? They must be
exciting...
>
> An MIT undergraduate is a complex and fragile thing. We function on
belief - some of us even spend YEARS believing in the things we do ! We move
far away from home, sleep next to none, eat badly, mortgage our freedom for
years- all because we are convinced that what we are doing has great
importance in the "real" world- in the world we percieve around us, and take
for real.
>
> And out of the blue comes this e-mail- and it sets us a-thinking. It
questions the very basis of what we have believed so well, and for so long.
Is there really another exciting world out there ? Is it possible that we
have been mistaken for so long ? Are we really that foolish, to have
completely missed this whole outside world that you so tantalisisngly reveal
in your e-mails ? The foundations of our very existence quake under the
assault of your seemingly innocuous messages. And then we are forced to
wonder - should we _really_ be recieving these e-mails ? Would'nt we be
better off without these reminders of the world without...
>
> Please don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to know more about your world, I
really would. It's just that doing so would be to acknowledge to myself that
I have been misguided for several years- and I can't do that. I can't let go
of this world of mine, no matter how fictional and hypocritical it may be,
simply becasue I have too much invested in it's illusion of reality. Hence,
I must ask you, no matter how much the asking pains me, to direct your
private communications such that there is little or no chance of my
inadvertently happening upon it.The future of my world depends upon it..
>
> I do hope you understand.
>
---***---***---AND HER REPLY
I wish to apologize for the inconvenience these emails have undoubtedly
caused you. However, I am almost as mystified as you. First, I must mention
that I am a High school junior. (I hope to be an MIT student in a couple
years.) Anyway, several days ago I recieved two emails asking about the
Educational Studies Program (ESP) activities for the spring and summer. ESP
is run through MIT for kids in junior high and high school. That is where I
come in. I want to go to the spring program myself. However, I have been
trying to reached the head of the ESP department for the past month. I have
recieved nothing. Then, all of a sudden these people I do not even know
start asking ME questions about it! I told them, I have written to such and
such and gotten nothing back. Then, today I am swamped with 27 emails. I
usually get about 3. All this "Address has permanent fatal flaws" business.
Once again I am sorry. I do not know what is happening.
Riyaz B Bachani
Massachusetts Institute of Technology ADDRESS
e-mail: bachani@MIT.EDU 70 Amherst Street
Tel: (617)225-1621 Cambridge, MA 02139
http://web.mit.edu/bachani/www U . S . A .
