[2640] in Humor
Fwd: HUMOR: Some REALLY bad puns...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Feb 2 12:15:09 1999
Date: Tue, 02 Feb 1999 12:09:53 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
david_zewinski@harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1999 10:08:46 -0500
>To: sharalee_field@harvard.edu, abennett@alum.mit.edu
>From: "Lorraine J. Rappaport" <ljr@MIT.EDU>
>Subject: HUMOR: Some REALLY bad puns...
>
>Some of these are old, but worth another groan...
>
>
>>> >Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
>>> >the craft it sank, proving once and for all, that you can't have your
>>> >kayak and heat it too.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
>>> >became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>>> >never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>>> >lesser of two weevils.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
>>> >the bar and announces: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his
>>> >home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, I'll
>>> >just have the eggs benedict. His order comes a while later and it's
>>> >served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, What's with the
>>> >hubcap? The waiter sings, (are you ready???) There's no plate like
>>> >chrome for the hollandaise!
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
>>> >The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >--
>>> >Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One
>>> >says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"
>>> >"Are you sure?" The atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >--
>>> >Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine
>>> >during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >--
>>> >A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
>>> >the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
>>> >hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
>>> >But why?, they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
>>> >stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
>>> >daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would
>>> >always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One
>>> >afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was
>>> >dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly,
>>> >he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on
>>> >the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the
>>> >drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm
>>> >sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >--
>>> >A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to
>>> >eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a
>>> >book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly
>>> >pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of
>>> >the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
>>> >different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
>>> >Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >--
>>> >A guy goes to a psychiatrist. Doc, I keep having these alternating
>>> >recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a
>>> >teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with
>>> >me? The doctor replies, It's very simple. You're two tents.
>>> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >---
>>> >A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
>>> >family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in
>>> >Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
>>> >to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
>>> >wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds..."but
>>> >they're twins; if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
