[2632] in Humor
Virus warning
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Michael A. Behr)
Tue Jan 26 09:43:50 1999
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1999 09:41:02 -0500
From: "Michael A. Behr" <mabehr@inconcert.com>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
>You know how I always say not to forward virus warnings because they're
>99% bullshit. Well, THIS is for real. Our security team has sent out
>this notification. Sounds like I have it myself.
>
> ----------
> From: Weist, Kevin
> Sent: Monday, January 25, 1999 8:08 AM
> To: Brad Brode; Lester, Jonathan
>
> This is one virus alert worth checking out
>
> Subject: Virus Alert
> If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY.
> Do
> not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
>
> It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but
it will
> also
> delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
>
> It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
tracking on your
> VCR
> and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
attempt to
> play.
>
> It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness
settings so all
> your
> ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
>
> It will program your phone autodial to call only your
mother-in-law's
>
> number.
>
> This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
>
> It will drink all your Coke.
>
> It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you
are expecting
> company.
>
> It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
Rogaine,
> all
> while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your
back.
>
> It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things
in a way that
>
> is only fun until someone loses an eye.
>
> It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
>
>
> It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your
active verbs to
> passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings
which
> grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
>
> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95
environment, it
> will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer
plugged in
> dangerously close to a full bathtub.
>
> It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your
mattresses and
> pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with
whole milk.
>
> It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
>
> It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,
causing it to
> smell like dill pickles.
>
> It is insidious and subtle.
>
> It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
>
> It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>
> These are just a few signs of infection.
>
> PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! (The
survival of
> mankind and human life on earth as we know it is at
stake!)
