[2616] in Humor
HUMOR: [Fwd: Fwd: IF MICROSOFT WAS JEWISH]
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jonathon Weiss)
Thu Jan 14 07:01:43 1999
From: Jonathon Weiss <jweiss@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 06:49:08 EST
IF MICROSOFT WAS JEWISH
1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would
get "Ferklemmt".
2. When you fill up your "C-drive", you will get a "Hard Drive is
Shtupped" message.
3. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Draydles".
4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
5. CD-ROM's would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high
compression DVB's (digital video bagels).
6. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not
getting any younger!" button.
7. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - You're
killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!".
8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would
be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's toukhes".
9. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music
already!".
10. During Passover, your PC would not be able to read "leavened floppies".
11. "Microsoft Word" would be renamed to "Microsoft Kibbitz".
12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little
byte of that".
13. When running "scandisk", you will be prompted with a "You vant I
should fix this?" message.
14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud
"Oy!!!".
15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that
it gets rid of the "schmootz" on your monitor.
16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Shloofie"
17. Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.
18. Solitaire would be replaced with on-line "Bingo"or "Mah-Jong."
19. Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the
upper right corner.
20. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
21. You would hear the tune "Hava Nagila" during startup.
22. "Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
23. Bill Gates' official theme song would be "If I Were a Rich Man."
