[2578] in Humor
How to write a paper...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Roxanne M Cartwright)
Mon Dec 7 16:11:12 1998
To: sigmas-humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 07 Dec 1998 16:03:28 EST
From: Roxanne M Cartwright <roxie@MIT.EDU>
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Date: Mon, 07 Dec 1998 02:03:15 -0500
To: roxie@MIT.EDU
From: Nicole Palmer <napalmer@MIT.EDU>
Subject: Guys-is this us or what? Good luck on finals and papers! :)
>>>>KC's sage advice on how to write a paper:
>
>>>>>> >> >>>1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place
>>>>>> with
>>>>>> >> >>>plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>2. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
>>>>>> >> >understand it.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some soda/pop to
>>>>>> help
>>>>>> >> >you concentrate.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>5. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your
>>>>>>
>>>>>> >> >>friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet
>>>>>> either, you
>>>>>> >> >>can both order pizza and bread sticks from Papa Johns to help you
>>>>>> >> >>concentrate.
>>>>>> >> >>> If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced, and
>>>>>> >> >bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
>>>>>>
>>>>>> >> >>chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly
>>>>>> sharpened pencils.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
>>>>>> >> >>>understand it.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>9. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp
>>>>>> since
>>>>>> >> >>>fourthgrade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of
>>>>>> >> >the way so you can concentrate.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I
>>>>>> mean
>>>>>> >> >it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>13. Listen to the other side.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>14. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started
>>>>>>
>>>>>> >> >>writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the
>>>>>> course, the
>>>>>> >> >>>college, the world at large.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
>>>>>>
>>>>>> >> >>place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>18. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your
>>>>>> >> >tongue; savor it's special flavor.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>19. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
>>>>>> >> >>something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper
>>>>>> due in less
>>>>>> >> >>than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt.
>>>>>> Preston of the
>>>>>> >> > Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
>>>>>> >> >>>a) Pro Bowlers Tour
>>>>>> >> >>>b) any movie starring Don Ameche
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>21. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was
>>>>>> watching.
>>>>>> >> >>>Discuss the finer points of the plot.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>23. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom miror.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask
>>>>>> >> >who everyone is.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for
>>>>>> the
>>>>>> >> >>future.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
>>>>>> >> >>trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>28. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
>>>>>>
>>>>>> >> >>place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the
>>>>>> >> >>sunrise.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>33. Check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>34. Leap up and write the paper.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.
>>>>>> >> >>>
>>>>>> >> >>>36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because
>>>>>> you
>>>>>> >> >had to write that darn paper
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