[2556] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Desert Island
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Erik Nygren)
Tue Nov 17 21:17:18 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1998 21:15:39 EST
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
------- Forwarded Message
From: KNygren@aol.com
A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. A man
found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,
no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5-star
hotels, this guy had no idea what to do, so for the next four months
he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and
fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous
woman hehad ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many
are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing
did."
He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials
that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of
the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I
found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it
melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used
the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that," she said. "Where
do you live?"
Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the
whole time.
"Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said.
After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As
the man looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him
was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and
white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit
down, please; would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more
coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How
about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on
her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm
going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a
shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the
bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There
in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed
to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end inside a swivel
mechanism.
"Amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines -
strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckoned for him to sit down next to her."Tell me," she began,
suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a
very long time. You must have been lonely, I know I have. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stared into
his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing; this woman was
fantastic.
"You mean--?" he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
------- End of Forwarded Message
