[2545] in Humor
fwd
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelena Margolin)
Thu Nov 12 16:09:39 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1998 16:02:48 EST
From: Yelena Margolin <yelya@MIT.EDU>
REPORT: INTERNET CAN MAKE YOU LONELY, DEPRESSED
Internet users who spend even a few hours a week online at home
experience higher levels of depression and loneliness than if they
had used the computer network less frequently, The New York Times
reported.
Mandatory stupid jokes follow: Reasons why the 'Net makes me
depressed:
* 0.00001% response rate to my multi-level marketing spam.
* So difficult to convey the effects of my plastic surgery via
ASCII.
* My inability to spell is now well-known to 2 billion people around
the world.
* Lost a bundle at some Internet casino based in Moldavia.
* People in my favorite mailing list believe that I am a bot and
send me messages in binary form only.
* My dog got hold of my password and now my mailbox is clogged with
posts from lists called "Macho.canines" and "All.cats.are.wimps."
* Cherry Bonbon, one of the darlings of my favorite newsgroup, has
turned out to be a female impersonator.
* I discovered that my ISP modem is two tin cans connected by a piece
of string.
* My latest post, "The use of interest rates in currency support,
whilst maintaining a sustainable growth," to an Economy list has
been acknowledged by the listowner with: "HAHAHAHAHA!!"
* My latest joke to HAPPY.HUMOR resulted in 1743 e-mails telling me
that it was the most moving, touching, heart-breaking story they
had ever read.
* The members of my online support group called "There is always
hope 4U" think I am hopeless.
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