[2506] in Humor
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelena Margolin)
Fri Oct 16 17:43:47 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 17:36:41 EDT
From: Yelena Margolin <yelya@MIT.EDU>
Subject: occupation descriptions
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a
coffee cup and a doughnut.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
...AND FINALLY...
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
girl enters the room.
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