[2428] in Humor
HUMOR: Bill of Rights
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jason Cline)
Wed Aug 26 12:16:06 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 11:01:13 EDT
From: Jason Cline <clineja@MIT.EDU>
From: "Lisa B. Loatman" <Idyle@aol.com>
From: "Todd Goudsward" <tgoudsward@fnx.com>
...
Subject: bill of rights
Supposedly, The following was written by State
Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA.
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt
to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of
justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe,
promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and
establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally
whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal
bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a
whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and
are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big
screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you
if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world
is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more
careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and
all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be
found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of
professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
we're just not interested in health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or
kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to
see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of
others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or
services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest
of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your
aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't
lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.
However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and
every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny
hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us
sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you
along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of
the opportunities of education and vocational training laid
before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -
which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered
by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you
who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
IF YOU AGREE, WE STRONGLY URGE YOU TO FORWARD THIS TO AS
MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO AND NOTHING
TRAGIC WILL BEFALL YOU SHOULD YOU NOT FORWARD IT. WE JUST
THINK IT IS ABOUT TIME COMMON SENSE IS ALLOWED TO FLOURISH.
CALL IT THE AGE OF REASON REVISITED.
THANK YOU.
------- End of Forwarded Message
