[2379] in Humor
fwd
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelya)
Mon Jul 13 22:57:33 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 13 Jul 1998 22:50:58 EDT
From: Yelya <yelya@MIT.EDU>
The following are excerpts taken from actual resumes and
cover letters.
1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet
progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.
No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs.... Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one
and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
store."
21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I
have never quit a job."
22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under
those conditions."
24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers."
25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
------- End of Forwarded Message
